He immediately flops backwards, arms behind his head - just looking up at the sky and blinking a bit at how bright it is. Outside! It sure is wonderful.]
[There's actually a brief huff of laughter at the concept of. Turning into a dinosaur and biting his head off. But he doesn't get why that would be very satisfying in the whole Cinematic Parallels sense. It was port-mortem for him. He does turn to look at him at this point, chewing on his lip a bit while he thinks over what to say about ... Caiman.]
He, uh-- You know, Aikawa. That's his name, you know. He's got a guy in his head. Someone who seems a lot like him, except for the fact he maims and kills his friends.
[He's frowning a little at that. He did know some of that - not the name Aikawa.]
I knew he didn't remember. We talked about it for a bit after the trial. [. . .] When I was chosen to kill him, he tried to pretend to be the other guy. To make it easier. Well, it was easy for me either way, but that was a kind thing to do.
Think he remembered more. Pretended not to, a little bit. Not a liar.
[Molly is making quite the face at all of this. Probably because there's a lot about the Aikawa/Caiman/Kai story that is, uuuuuuuh, triggering to him in particular, but. It's probably worth talking about. Even if it's most definitely making him squirrelly.]
There's-- Well, three of them, I suppose. Aikawa is who he was. Is, now, I suppose. Caiman is who he made after he forgot. The last one is the. Hm. The ... [Lucien.] I don't know that he knows everything about it.
I know he woke up a few years ago, no memories, no past. The lizard head. And apparently he was happy. Described it as being in a long dream he woke up from.
[There's a pause here and he sort of looks away. It's maybe a bit terrifying to hear something so close to your own experience described as a dream. One you inevitably wake up from.]
Not angry with him or anything. Not like he's the person who did it. Hard to be angry when even the face has changed.
[Wow. Holy shit. Truly the same lore. It's a little insane to listen to him describe all of this. A little disconcerting. He understands Molly's squirrelyness; it's obvious why.]
. . . I liked Caiman.
[He doesn't say that so much out of sympathy for this person, Aikawa, but a little defensiveness. He likes the person who woke up as Mollymauk, too. If that's what it takes to find happiness, then. . .]
[That didn't happen, and she's not twelve, and why is he telling on her anyway. He just. . . feels a little uncomfortable now. He had told Lucretia the message to give him, if they failed. It was short, because everything meaningful to say - there would be no way to say it, other than in person. But they're in person now, and he doesn't know how to find the words to talk about it. Doesn't know if Mollymauk would want to hear them, or if he would simply resent being reminded of another death.]
Did she? She's got to stop doing these things. She's going to get a reputation.
[He seems mostly just amused by that, the tattling. As it is, he's been riding on almost manic giddiness to be here again, on this side. He doesn't know if he'd call it life or death or the transition between the two. Is it death, if you don't actually pass on beyond the gate? Is it life, if you might have already been dead beforehand? Either way, it was a shock to the system. As much as you might want to stay in the dream, there was at least the fluttering of eyelids. The awareness that the dream is a fragile thing. It's hard not to come back changed at least a little.]
[He got that. That Caleb was a little freaked by the pursuit. He doesn't resent him that. Looking up at the sky too, settling onto his back - and sort of sneaking his hand over to maybe where Caleb's is and not exactly holding his hand as much as just touching his pinky and ring finger over his.]
Can't promise I won't leave again suddenly. I-- It's not like I want to. But you know. Apparently it's a thing that happens to me.
[Are you doing your bisexual task right now. We're having this serious conversation and you're doing a task? Wow. But no, he'll take the hand.]
. . . I know. [He sighs a little, fondness in the sound, but also a little sadness.] I wish it wasn't that way for you, it isn't right. But that wasn't ever what I was afraid of.
[He's not sure how to explain without sounding crazy. Well, he is crazy. But he knows it isn't going to sound right if he tries and explains that it feels wrong for him to be happy, it feels like giving something up. He needs to be a little miserable, a little unlovable, a little unfixable. He's let a certain amount of that go, but he can't quite let go of all of it. He owes something to the past, and moving on from his grief all the way would be a betrayal of that.]
[He just tightens the grip he has on Caleb's hand, pulling it over so he's just got both the hands resting on his chest. He knows there's probably some very good reason, some followup with that but, but he'd also just trailed off, so. It almost feels like he wants a rebuttal.]
If you're going to say something about being fucked up, then I'll remind you that my body with, well, apparently some part of my mind intact, murdered the fuck out of you. So if you aren't scared of that, then anything else seems to be a minor problem.
[He goes quiet for a long moment, long enough to maybe leave Molly wondering if that pass went over badly. And then he rolls over towards him, props himself on his elbows so that he's partially sitting up, leaning over him. And he leans down, and he. . . presses his forehead against Molly's.]
. . . I like you more than I think I am supposed to.
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[Huh. That's a little interesting. Anyway, he brought a blanket up here and is setting it out so they can sit and enjoy the view.]
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Just the one. With Otome and Catra.
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[Probably good. He flops backwards, too, but he's looking at him.]
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Nope. Lost a few days there. Then a few days after. [...] Whole thing is a bit foggy, if I'm being honest. Cleared up at the end there, but, you know.
[He waves a hand.]
Sometimes these things happen to me.
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[They both went a bit crazy and aggressive, and the details were awful.]
I became a dinosaur and bit his head off. But it was less satisfying than it sounds.
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He, uh-- You know, Aikawa. That's his name, you know. He's got a guy in his head. Someone who seems a lot like him, except for the fact he maims and kills his friends.
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[He's frowning a little at that. He did know some of that - not the name Aikawa.]
I knew he didn't remember. We talked about it for a bit after the trial. [. . .] When I was chosen to kill him, he tried to pretend to be the other guy. To make it easier. Well, it was easy for me either way, but that was a kind thing to do.
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[Molly is making quite the face at all of this. Probably because there's a lot about the Aikawa/Caiman/Kai story that is, uuuuuuuh, triggering to him in particular, but. It's probably worth talking about. Even if it's most definitely making him squirrelly.]
There's-- Well, three of them, I suppose. Aikawa is who he was. Is, now, I suppose. Caiman is who he made after he forgot. The last one is the. Hm. The ... [Lucien.] I don't know that he knows everything about it.
I know he woke up a few years ago, no memories, no past. The lizard head. And apparently he was happy. Described it as being in a long dream he woke up from.
[There's a pause here and he sort of looks away. It's maybe a bit terrifying to hear something so close to your own experience described as a dream. One you inevitably wake up from.]
Not angry with him or anything. Not like he's the person who did it. Hard to be angry when even the face has changed.
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. . . I liked Caiman.
[He doesn't say that so much out of sympathy for this person, Aikawa, but a little defensiveness. He likes the person who woke up as Mollymauk, too. If that's what it takes to find happiness, then. . .]
I was angry, though.
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I did too. 'Course it's where we disagreed. I didn't want to know anything. He seemed like he did.
[The expression gets a little more worried at the anger, though.]
That's alright. Think we're allowed to be angry on each other's behalf.
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[That didn't happen, and she's not twelve, and why is he telling on her anyway. He just. . . feels a little uncomfortable now. He had told Lucretia the message to give him, if they failed. It was short, because everything meaningful to say - there would be no way to say it, other than in person. But they're in person now, and he doesn't know how to find the words to talk about it. Doesn't know if Mollymauk would want to hear them, or if he would simply resent being reminded of another death.]
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[He seems mostly just amused by that, the tattling. As it is, he's been riding on almost manic giddiness to be here again, on this side. He doesn't know if he'd call it life or death or the transition between the two. Is it death, if you don't actually pass on beyond the gate? Is it life, if you might have already been dead beforehand? Either way, it was a shock to the system. As much as you might want to stay in the dream, there was at least the fluttering of eyelids. The awareness that the dream is a fragile thing. It's hard not to come back changed at least a little.]
... I am so fucking glad to see you again. Shit.
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. . . We missed you. Turning up so suddenly only to go again so soon - that isn't how I wanted to leave things.
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Messy, yeah.
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I mean, it is a little messy. Won't argue that.
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He just looks up at the sky, lying back.]
. . . You scared me a little. That's all.
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[He got that. That Caleb was a little freaked by the pursuit. He doesn't resent him that. Looking up at the sky too, settling onto his back - and sort of sneaking his hand over to maybe where Caleb's is and not exactly holding his hand as much as just touching his pinky and ring finger over his.]
Can't promise I won't leave again suddenly. I-- It's not like I want to. But you know. Apparently it's a thing that happens to me.
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. . . I know. [He sighs a little, fondness in the sound, but also a little sadness.] I wish it wasn't that way for you, it isn't right. But that wasn't ever what I was afraid of.
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No?
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All of it was good. But I'm. . . [Not.]
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If you're going to say something about being fucked up, then I'll remind you that my body with, well, apparently some part of my mind intact, murdered the fuck out of you. So if you aren't scared of that, then anything else seems to be a minor problem.
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But I know now.
[Now maybe he's doing a task? The hitting on someone one?]
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[He goes quiet for a long moment, long enough to maybe leave Molly wondering if that pass went over badly. And then he rolls over towards him, props himself on his elbows so that he's partially sitting up, leaning over him. And he leans down, and he. . . presses his forehead against Molly's.]
. . . I like you more than I think I am supposed to.
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