[There's actually a brief huff of laughter at the concept of. Turning into a dinosaur and biting his head off. But he doesn't get why that would be very satisfying in the whole Cinematic Parallels sense. It was port-mortem for him. He does turn to look at him at this point, chewing on his lip a bit while he thinks over what to say about ... Caiman.]
He, uh-- You know, Aikawa. That's his name, you know. He's got a guy in his head. Someone who seems a lot like him, except for the fact he maims and kills his friends.
[He's frowning a little at that. He did know some of that - not the name Aikawa.]
I knew he didn't remember. We talked about it for a bit after the trial. [. . .] When I was chosen to kill him, he tried to pretend to be the other guy. To make it easier. Well, it was easy for me either way, but that was a kind thing to do.
Think he remembered more. Pretended not to, a little bit. Not a liar.
[Molly is making quite the face at all of this. Probably because there's a lot about the Aikawa/Caiman/Kai story that is, uuuuuuuh, triggering to him in particular, but. It's probably worth talking about. Even if it's most definitely making him squirrelly.]
There's-- Well, three of them, I suppose. Aikawa is who he was. Is, now, I suppose. Caiman is who he made after he forgot. The last one is the. Hm. The ... [Lucien.] I don't know that he knows everything about it.
I know he woke up a few years ago, no memories, no past. The lizard head. And apparently he was happy. Described it as being in a long dream he woke up from.
[There's a pause here and he sort of looks away. It's maybe a bit terrifying to hear something so close to your own experience described as a dream. One you inevitably wake up from.]
Not angry with him or anything. Not like he's the person who did it. Hard to be angry when even the face has changed.
[Wow. Holy shit. Truly the same lore. It's a little insane to listen to him describe all of this. A little disconcerting. He understands Molly's squirrelyness; it's obvious why.]
. . . I liked Caiman.
[He doesn't say that so much out of sympathy for this person, Aikawa, but a little defensiveness. He likes the person who woke up as Mollymauk, too. If that's what it takes to find happiness, then. . .]
[That didn't happen, and she's not twelve, and why is he telling on her anyway. He just. . . feels a little uncomfortable now. He had told Lucretia the message to give him, if they failed. It was short, because everything meaningful to say - there would be no way to say it, other than in person. But they're in person now, and he doesn't know how to find the words to talk about it. Doesn't know if Mollymauk would want to hear them, or if he would simply resent being reminded of another death.]
Did she? She's got to stop doing these things. She's going to get a reputation.
[He seems mostly just amused by that, the tattling. As it is, he's been riding on almost manic giddiness to be here again, on this side. He doesn't know if he'd call it life or death or the transition between the two. Is it death, if you don't actually pass on beyond the gate? Is it life, if you might have already been dead beforehand? Either way, it was a shock to the system. As much as you might want to stay in the dream, there was at least the fluttering of eyelids. The awareness that the dream is a fragile thing. It's hard not to come back changed at least a little.]
[He got that. That Caleb was a little freaked by the pursuit. He doesn't resent him that. Looking up at the sky too, settling onto his back - and sort of sneaking his hand over to maybe where Caleb's is and not exactly holding his hand as much as just touching his pinky and ring finger over his.]
Can't promise I won't leave again suddenly. I-- It's not like I want to. But you know. Apparently it's a thing that happens to me.
[Are you doing your bisexual task right now. We're having this serious conversation and you're doing a task? Wow. But no, he'll take the hand.]
. . . I know. [He sighs a little, fondness in the sound, but also a little sadness.] I wish it wasn't that way for you, it isn't right. But that wasn't ever what I was afraid of.
[He's not sure how to explain without sounding crazy. Well, he is crazy. But he knows it isn't going to sound right if he tries and explains that it feels wrong for him to be happy, it feels like giving something up. He needs to be a little miserable, a little unlovable, a little unfixable. He's let a certain amount of that go, but he can't quite let go of all of it. He owes something to the past, and moving on from his grief all the way would be a betrayal of that.]
[He just tightens the grip he has on Caleb's hand, pulling it over so he's just got both the hands resting on his chest. He knows there's probably some very good reason, some followup with that but, but he'd also just trailed off, so. It almost feels like he wants a rebuttal.]
If you're going to say something about being fucked up, then I'll remind you that my body with, well, apparently some part of my mind intact, murdered the fuck out of you. So if you aren't scared of that, then anything else seems to be a minor problem.
[He goes quiet for a long moment, long enough to maybe leave Molly wondering if that pass went over badly. And then he rolls over towards him, props himself on his elbows so that he's partially sitting up, leaning over him. And he leans down, and he. . . presses his forehead against Molly's.]
. . . I like you more than I think I am supposed to.
[He does pause and wonder if maybe he shouldn’t have made that pass at him, looking over at him with a bit of worry before he notices the shift - watching him carefully and going to tangle his hands at Caleb’s collar, pinprick of claws at the back of his neck.]
I do tend to do that. Sorry.
[That’s really just a joke to try and ease the tension. He gets it. He really does. This is messy in a lot of very real ways. In this place, where the walls are closing in and every day is a step closer back to death. Of course, out there, back home isn’t any better. At least here and now, it’s a beautiful spring day?]
[That does make him feel a little squirrely, want to protest, but it also sort of makes him happy. Which is exactly the problem, but. . . fighting this before didn't do him any good. It just made him feel like an asshole and be unkind to his friend who hasn't done anything but want to like him.
[He knows that was more of a Flirtatious Question than an Actual One but also what the fuck. Anyway, right now, a boy is saying he likes him and his gently kissing his jaw and it’s been a very long and horrible week of being sort-of-dead, so his braincell is frantically scrambling to keep up.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
He, uh-- You know, Aikawa. That's his name, you know. He's got a guy in his head. Someone who seems a lot like him, except for the fact he maims and kills his friends.
no subject
[He's frowning a little at that. He did know some of that - not the name Aikawa.]
I knew he didn't remember. We talked about it for a bit after the trial. [. . .] When I was chosen to kill him, he tried to pretend to be the other guy. To make it easier. Well, it was easy for me either way, but that was a kind thing to do.
no subject
[Molly is making quite the face at all of this. Probably because there's a lot about the Aikawa/Caiman/Kai story that is, uuuuuuuh, triggering to him in particular, but. It's probably worth talking about. Even if it's most definitely making him squirrelly.]
There's-- Well, three of them, I suppose. Aikawa is who he was. Is, now, I suppose. Caiman is who he made after he forgot. The last one is the. Hm. The ... [Lucien.] I don't know that he knows everything about it.
I know he woke up a few years ago, no memories, no past. The lizard head. And apparently he was happy. Described it as being in a long dream he woke up from.
[There's a pause here and he sort of looks away. It's maybe a bit terrifying to hear something so close to your own experience described as a dream. One you inevitably wake up from.]
Not angry with him or anything. Not like he's the person who did it. Hard to be angry when even the face has changed.
no subject
. . . I liked Caiman.
[He doesn't say that so much out of sympathy for this person, Aikawa, but a little defensiveness. He likes the person who woke up as Mollymauk, too. If that's what it takes to find happiness, then. . .]
I was angry, though.
no subject
I did too. 'Course it's where we disagreed. I didn't want to know anything. He seemed like he did.
[The expression gets a little more worried at the anger, though.]
That's alright. Think we're allowed to be angry on each other's behalf.
no subject
[That didn't happen, and she's not twelve, and why is he telling on her anyway. He just. . . feels a little uncomfortable now. He had told Lucretia the message to give him, if they failed. It was short, because everything meaningful to say - there would be no way to say it, other than in person. But they're in person now, and he doesn't know how to find the words to talk about it. Doesn't know if Mollymauk would want to hear them, or if he would simply resent being reminded of another death.]
no subject
[He seems mostly just amused by that, the tattling. As it is, he's been riding on almost manic giddiness to be here again, on this side. He doesn't know if he'd call it life or death or the transition between the two. Is it death, if you don't actually pass on beyond the gate? Is it life, if you might have already been dead beforehand? Either way, it was a shock to the system. As much as you might want to stay in the dream, there was at least the fluttering of eyelids. The awareness that the dream is a fragile thing. It's hard not to come back changed at least a little.]
... I am so fucking glad to see you again. Shit.
no subject
. . . We missed you. Turning up so suddenly only to go again so soon - that isn't how I wanted to leave things.
no subject
Messy, yeah.
no subject
no subject
I mean, it is a little messy. Won't argue that.
no subject
He just looks up at the sky, lying back.]
. . . You scared me a little. That's all.
no subject
[He got that. That Caleb was a little freaked by the pursuit. He doesn't resent him that. Looking up at the sky too, settling onto his back - and sort of sneaking his hand over to maybe where Caleb's is and not exactly holding his hand as much as just touching his pinky and ring finger over his.]
Can't promise I won't leave again suddenly. I-- It's not like I want to. But you know. Apparently it's a thing that happens to me.
no subject
. . . I know. [He sighs a little, fondness in the sound, but also a little sadness.] I wish it wasn't that way for you, it isn't right. But that wasn't ever what I was afraid of.
no subject
No?
no subject
All of it was good. But I'm. . . [Not.]
no subject
If you're going to say something about being fucked up, then I'll remind you that my body with, well, apparently some part of my mind intact, murdered the fuck out of you. So if you aren't scared of that, then anything else seems to be a minor problem.
no subject
no subject
But I know now.
[Now maybe he's doing a task? The hitting on someone one?]
no subject
[He goes quiet for a long moment, long enough to maybe leave Molly wondering if that pass went over badly. And then he rolls over towards him, props himself on his elbows so that he's partially sitting up, leaning over him. And he leans down, and he. . . presses his forehead against Molly's.]
. . . I like you more than I think I am supposed to.
no subject
I do tend to do that. Sorry.
[That’s really just a joke to try and ease the tension. He gets it. He really does. This is messy in a lot of very real ways. In this place, where the walls are closing in and every day is a step closer back to death. Of course, out there, back home isn’t any better. At least here and now, it’s a beautiful spring day?]
. . . Me too, I think. Fuck.
no subject
[That does make him feel a little squirrely, want to protest, but it also sort of makes him happy. Which is exactly the problem, but. . . fighting this before didn't do him any good. It just made him feel like an asshole and be unkind to his friend who hasn't done anything but want to like him.
A small smile, fond, pressing a kiss to his jaw.]
. . . So what are we going to do about that?
no subject
[He knows that was more of a Flirtatious Question than an Actual One but also what the fuck. Anyway, right now, a boy is saying he likes him and his gently kissing his jaw and it’s been a very long and horrible week of being sort-of-dead, so his braincell is frantically scrambling to keep up.]
Didn’t look too crowded downstairs.
no subject
It is so crowded downstairs.
[There are six people in his suite, Molly. And the other option is the suite for only two people but one of them is Beauregard.]
no subject
It is so crowded in there.
[don't sound so entertained by this.]
Spring's not so cramped? Just Malik in my room and he can go find somewhere else for a few hours. Supposed to be in class anyway.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)