I know. It went away for Lucretia and Kon, it will for you. I don't want to . . . to make you more worried about this.
[But all I have in this world is that all of you care for me, and you won't. I will not even be able to look after you, because I will not mean anything to you.]
[Well, he'd tried to promise that Caleb's thoughts wouldn't make him sad, wouldn't make him angry. But that one makes him very sad. If only because he gets it. It isn't as if he has anything else in this world either. You fucked up. Shite.]
[He looks like he feels a little bit guilty for thinking that, for prompting the response, but he's grateful for the hand anyway. Just taking it and then gently leading him off.]
[ He's managed to vacuum out a good portion of glitter from the bedsheets, though there's still like. A good bit around. It's glitter. You can't solve it that easily. Molly is just letting go of his hand briefly so he can take his coat off and hang it over a chair, trying to brush some of it off of his shirt. Smiling at him, trying to be comforting.]
It's alright if you do. Bit of an earned reputation on that one.
[In, weirdly, a voice that sounds a bit like text-to-speech: the strong stuff is scary.]
[Coming over to try and snap out the sheets again, huffing in mostly-mock irritation as more glitter just poofs up and he tries to knock it to the floor.]
Should have just gone to the tents or something. Yeesh. Did a fucking number on this.
[He glances up at the thoughts coming his way, and moves to climb on the bed too. I like you very much.]
[He sighs out, a little comforted despite himself by the closeness.]
. . . I don't think you are a liar. Not about things that matter. If I've acted like I don't believe something, it's. . . that is me. It isn't to do with you.
[ He'll just pet through his hair, trying to make it a little better that way, even if he can't seem to say quite the right thing. His thoughts don't seem to be able to put it together perfectly either.]
Not that-- You haven't done anything either. Meant more that-- [I think you're making me a little insane? Don't say that. I like more than very much. Don't say that. I've never done this before. Don't say that.] I don't know what I mean.
[Oh. He lets that wash over him, pressing his eyes against his shoulder like he's trying to shut everything else out. He doesn't want to push this away. Not his thoughts, that he didn't want to say anyway. It's hard to avoid, just a little, I am not worth all of this.
And it doesn't exactly make him feel worth it, that they both decided to forget him at once. He doesn't feel like he is allowed to be so selfish, to ask them not to, to send someone else. He doesn't really know how to ask for things for himself. He assumes it will be fine, he's overreacting, he will be able to handle this. He is and isn't wrong.]
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You are, a little.
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Only because I'm not completely insane. Not scared enough I think it's not worth going.
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[He sounds a little frustrated by that. Why do you think I - ]
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... I don't really know what to say anymore, then.
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[But why both of you, why - stop it, stop it.]
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... But you're a little scared.
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. . . You will both forget me.
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Yeah.
He reaches up to cup his face, running his thumbs over his cheekbones.]
For a few hours, maybe. But never forever. [...] I remembered you, when I went empty on the other side.
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[But all I have in this world is that all of you care for me, and you won't. I will not even be able to look after you, because I will not mean anything to you.]
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... You're allowed to make me worried.
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[I know you want to do this. Your motives are good, and it makes sense,]
. . . We don't need to talk about this anymore.
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. . . I've still got the room. If you want to go sit down somewhere.
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[Though he sort of ridiculously assumes Molly is talking about sex right now.]
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No, I just ... meant sitting. If you want.
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Yes, okay.
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Got most of the glitter off. Some of the glitter.
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[He's quiet for a moment, will let himself be led to the private room, but he will just quietly say - ]
It isn't - I know. I don't see you that way.
[Sometimes I forget that all of you don't see me a certain way.]
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It's alright if you do. Bit of an earned reputation on that one.
[In, weirdly, a voice that sounds a bit like text-to-speech: the strong stuff is scary.]
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[And you are the one in danger and you are comforting me while I treat you as though I think you are completely callous.
He will go sit on the bed.]
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Should have just gone to the tents or something. Yeesh. Did a fucking number on this.
[He glances up at the thoughts coming his way, and moves to climb on the bed too. I like you very much.]
Come here?
[Holding an arm out?]
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... I mean all the stupid things I say. I know I-- I'm liar about a lot of things, but not that.
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. . . I don't think you are a liar. Not about things that matter. If I've acted like I don't believe something, it's. . . that is me. It isn't to do with you.
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Not that-- You haven't done anything either. Meant more that-- [I think you're making me a little insane? Don't say that. I like more than very much. Don't say that. I've never done this before. Don't say that.] I don't know what I mean.
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And it doesn't exactly make him feel worth it, that they both decided to forget him at once. He doesn't feel like he is allowed to be so selfish, to ask them not to, to send someone else. He doesn't really know how to ask for things for himself. He assumes it will be fine, he's overreacting, he will be able to handle this. He is and isn't wrong.]
It's alright.