[He pauses and looks down at his hands. He seriously considers it? Maybe it would be good to pretend for a while. Pretend until he literally can’t anymore. And then keep trying anyway. That’s how he’s always lived, comfortable in the bullshit.
Then again.]
Better to go ahead and rip the arrow out rather than let it stay and fester.
[Actually, that’s the opposite of all good medical advice. But still.]
[ she thinks about not telling him, because - she's not sure that it'll do him any good. he didn't want to remember anything about his past self, about the man he was before now. beau didn't want to learn anything about lucien.
but they're here now. and if everything works... well. she won't have to deal with lucien again. ]
Lucien came back to haunt us. [ she says finally, glancing at him. ]
[Yeah, this was a mistake. There’s a reason he said the truth is vicious. Here it is, on his heels, claws tearing into his back. It’s come to collect its toll. He always says these things and then . . . who can resist just the one peek behind the curtain. The cracking of the box to see just a glimpse of the inside, knowing you won’t be able to put it back exactly the same way.
He’s quiet for a moment, not visibly reacting beyond just the stone cold silence while he clicks into place a few things. That makes sense, doesn’t it? He hates how it makes sense with the thing she’s said, unintentionally or not.]
[ she shifts, turns, wraps her arms around him with an easiness that she's had to learn. the nein have made it simple for her to reach out like this, have made it possible for her to be better in a way she didn't know she needed, but he wasn't there for it. she's missed him, and she's never stopped thinking about him, and having him here in front of her just makes her even more determined to save him.
but that can be for later. right now, her bleeding heart, the one yasha praised so fondly, clenches and demands she make this better.
[ Immediately leaning into it, wrapping his arms back around her - less easy, more clinging in rough seawater, but he manages to relax after a minute. He’s still here, right now. In a form that matters to him. With someone that matters to him. There’s this strange dichotomy of a face and voice he’s so familiar with, on this mature, loving, happy person. It makes him remember the first thought that flashed across his mind when was asked what his greatest desire was. The thing he wants to indulge in the most.
Just a little more time with them.
He isn’t much of a crier. In fact, he can’t think of a single time he ever has cried? Tears of pain from a tattoo needle hitting the wrong spot, a few drops when he was too drunk and listening to a particularly good bard. Nothing that counts. Really, there was rarely anything to cry about in his life, and that’s fortunate in a way most people don’t get. Still, his throat feels very tight right now.]
[ she keeps a very tight grip on him, maybe enough to bruise. he needs it, but maybe she does too. a solid reminder of what she's playing for. she was stupid enough to say yes to a deal with fine print she's not allowed to see, but for this? it's worth it. for a life, a light burnt out too quick.
he says fuck you and she snorts, because she can feel the love in it. she tangles her fingers into his shirt and squeezes him once. ]
[ i keep telling you molly is going to live to endgame and you don't believe me
she forgets, sometimes, how much she lives for hugs. the nein is such a fucking touchy group that when she's not around them, she goes through withdrawals. but his question gets her to laugh like a fucking stoner, so: ]
Don't act like you wouldn't have done exactly the same thing, asshole. [ but she digs them out and hands them over. they're in a little matchbook with the eight sin symbols on it. ]
[ she starts by laughing, and then his fucking snort sets her off and she like, dissolves with it, coughlaughing herself. eventually she tries to clap him on the back to get him to stop coughing, but.
Yeah. He did, uh -- I feel like he mentioned something about Zemnian breakfast. All of us were laughing too hard about Jester getting flustered, I couldn't hear it.
[If Caleb could appreciate it even through that, that's seriously impressive.]
Let this be a lesson: perhaps consider saying things to people while they are alive, because they could be amenable to things that you might enjoy. [Yeesh.]
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I think I need you to tell me the thing that you clearly aren’t telling me.
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she looks away. ]
Fuck. Um. [ should she lie? she doesn't feel like she can. like she should. ] ... You sure you don't wanna pretend for a while more?
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Then again.]
Better to go ahead and rip the arrow out rather than let it stay and fester.
[Actually, that’s the opposite of all good medical advice. But still.]
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but they're here now. and if everything works... well. she won't have to deal with lucien again. ]
Lucien came back to haunt us. [ she says finally, glancing at him. ]
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He’s quiet for a moment, not visibly reacting beyond just the stone cold silence while he clicks into place a few things. That makes sense, doesn’t it? He hates how it makes sense with the thing she’s said, unintentionally or not.]
. . . Alright. We can go back to pretending now.
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[ she shifts, turns, wraps her arms around him with an easiness that she's had to learn. the nein have made it simple for her to reach out like this, have made it possible for her to be better in a way she didn't know she needed, but he wasn't there for it. she's missed him, and she's never stopped thinking about him, and having him here in front of her just makes her even more determined to save him.
but that can be for later. right now, her bleeding heart, the one yasha praised so fondly, clenches and demands she make this better.
soft, teasing: ]
You could've just asked me for matches, you know.
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Just a little more time with them.
He isn’t much of a crier. In fact, he can’t think of a single time he ever has cried? Tears of pain from a tattoo needle hitting the wrong spot, a few drops when he was too drunk and listening to a particularly good bard. Nothing that counts. Really, there was rarely anything to cry about in his life, and that’s fortunate in a way most people don’t get. Still, his throat feels very tight right now.]
Fuck you, Beauregard.
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he says fuck you and she snorts, because she can feel the love in it. she tangles her fingers into his shirt and squeezes him once. ]
Fuck you, Molly. [ love you too. ]
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Anyway, he'll just stay here in this hug, because, damnb who doesn't love a good hug after a few fuckin' days like this, but also:]
Were you serious about the matches?
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she forgets, sometimes, how much she lives for hugs. the nein is such a fucking touchy group that when she's not around them, she goes through withdrawals. but his question gets her to laugh like a fucking stoner, so: ]
Yep. I have a pack of them.
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And you watched me spiral myself into that, all the while knowing you had them in your pocket?
[Holding his hand out.]
Give. Come on. Hand them over, they're mine now.
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Don't act like you wouldn't have done exactly the same thing, asshole. [ but she digs them out and hands them over. they're in a little matchbook with the eight sin symbols on it. ]
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And you'd be right to be pissed off! Just seems I have the upper hand this time.
[Taking. A very fucking long drag. God.]
. . . You said the others talk about me?
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Yeah. Sometimes. Jester and Yasha, a lot. Caleb, Fjord and Nott in... quiet ways.
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To be so popular only after you've passed away! Truly the artist's curse.
[Really really trying to be as light hearted as possible now.]
If they've said nice things, you have to tell me. It's only fair.
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Jester said you have a nice dick?
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a HUGE snort out of his nose and then hacking up a lung coughing for like two full minutes]
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this is it, this is how they both die]
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Eventually he manages to get enough air back to recover. Just still. Fucking wheezing.]
She's right and should say it.
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Yeah. I don't remember why it came up, but it did. [ she waggles her eyebrows up at him. ] Caleb said he liked it too.
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He didn't! He did? Like he was brave enough to even look at it. [. . . ] Or I suppose he saw it when, well, the eggs? Maybe?
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Yeah. He did, uh -- I feel like he mentioned something about Zemnian breakfast. All of us were laughing too hard about Jester getting flustered, I couldn't hear it.
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Let this be a lesson: perhaps consider saying things to people while they are alive, because they could be amenable to things that you might enjoy. [Yeesh.]
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He's grown a lot since then. I think if you'd suggested anything back then he would've dropped dead.
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True, and then I'd have felt slightly terrible.
[ huff. ]
Then I'll have to look forward to my dick compliments from everyone with their own mouths.
[don't say it like that, please,]
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im going to kick your ass