[Reaching up to put a hand over Caleb's cheek, running his thumb over it.]
I know that, I do. Just figure it's my turn to chase you lot down for a while. Right now I'm alive, I'm alright. Everything else, there's time for that later.
... I doubt it's much comfort, when we don't know what will happen, but the daycare isn't so terrible. They're - they know things, over there. That will help. More clear-headed than we are over here.
I have spent enough time mired in my own miseries, Mollymauk. You don't owe me putting your feelings aside. If anything, I am. . . well equipped, to keep moving.
[He's gotten fairly good at pushing through his own pain over the years Leaning into his touch, though.]
That's good, though. I am more worried about. . . well, I worry if I say so, you will struggle to correct me. So, uhm, please do not try to reassure me or answer me. Just - I am worried there is only one left, and quite a few of us know who she is, and I don't know what will happen if she is voted for.
[ Well he isn’t supposed to try and reassure him or answer. So he leans over to kiss him on the forehead and stays there, leaning against him. He doesn’t say anything, just … trying to be there. ]
[ They didn’t exactly reestablish this either, but he’s pretty relieved that it’s happening. Kissing him back, as gently as possible - trying to prove that there’s no actual part of him that wants to hurt. ]
[He knows, he knows. There is a part of him, an unavoidable part, that can't avoid the memory of hands around his neck, the claws, the sneer in his voice as he stabbed him. There's an ugly bruise around his neck; he's had it covered with a scarf and his coat, but it may peek out from time to time.
But he doesn't want to let this place take something very nice away from him. He's stubbornly pushing the memories aside. It's a little easier to do with this than it was to push aside his own fears and self-loathing, anyway.]
[ He used to be better about being able to quiet any possible regrets, about being able to shut down memories or thoughts about things he didn't want to think about or deal with. But that ugly bruise, the marks across his own face - light as they are now - are a few of the things emblematic of the exact problem he's been twisting over. Once you wake up from the dream, waking life is so much more complicated.
At least he'd already agree with Caleb on one thing, that he likes him more than he probably should. This is a consequence of that. It's a messy, terrible idea. He wants it anyway.]
[He pulls away from the kiss, not exactly in a mood to makeout so much as just wanting a little closeness. Runs his hand across the marks on his cheek. Those may be a reminder, but to him, they're a reminder of Mollymauk, not of Lucien. How hard Molly has always fought for them, against all of the odds.]
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I know that, I do. Just figure it's my turn to chase you lot down for a while. Right now I'm alive, I'm alright. Everything else, there's time for that later.
... I doubt it's much comfort, when we don't know what will happen, but the daycare isn't so terrible. They're - they know things, over there. That will help. More clear-headed than we are over here.
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[He's gotten fairly good at pushing through his own pain over the years Leaning into his touch, though.]
That's good, though. I am more worried about. . . well, I worry if I say so, you will struggle to correct me. So, uhm, please do not try to reassure me or answer me. Just - I am worried there is only one left, and quite a few of us know who she is, and I don't know what will happen if she is voted for.
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. . . Did that work? If you aren't trying to answer me, do you have trouble?
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[ That’s pretty much an answer. Still. He’s a little worried about exploding a lesbian heart. ]
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But he doesn't want to let this place take something very nice away from him. He's stubbornly pushing the memories aside. It's a little easier to do with this than it was to push aside his own fears and self-loathing, anyway.]
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At least he'd already agree with Caleb on one thing, that he likes him more than he probably should. This is a consequence of that. It's a messy, terrible idea. He wants it anyway.]
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