[He hasn't held someone like this in a very, very long time, so they're even.]
Does someone have to? [. . .] Even he. . . wasn't exactly steering the ship anymore. Whatever happened for you to come to exist also seemed to have driven him crazy.
[The tears in his voice tug at his heartstrings, but he doesn't know what to say.]
It's better, isn't it? Not to have been . . . born to become what the terrible things that happen to us turn us into. Harder to look at but easier to try to do something about.
[If there was a dam about to break, he manages to rein it in - either by force of will or because that does actually soothe whatever was running through his head just then. Pushing his forehead into Caleb's chest, probably against whatever mortal injury he'd managed to inflict there.]
[He's still like, shaking off the emotional whiplash he just went through, but he finds this mild protest to be more cute than anything - just leaning heavily back against the couch arm and shrugging widely at the I meant. He gets what he meant. He just thinks it's silly.]
[Well, he can't exactly try to push at him too hard now, when they've just been through his traumatic thing, but he still feels some discomfort sitting with him. Like he thought he would have had this out of his system by now.]
. . . It was a long day. Just wanted to have a little fun, right?
[Cracking one eye to look at him? The most confusing guy on this material plane sometimes, Caleb. Literally, thirty seconds ago he was tossing around teasing jokes about it being a date, and now he's like JUST A LITTLE FUN, JA? Right before the traumatic memory, he was the one going for belts!! Before this he'd put his foot down at the ice rink and then invited him in when Molly offered him a library escape rope. Molly isn't sure exactly what the deal is, but he's getting the impression ... that Caleb might want the pursuit a bit.]
Nothing says you can't do something again if it was fun the first time. In fact, I'd say it suggests the opposite?
[Maybe he should be getting the impression that Caleb has no idea what he wants. He likes the pursuit, he likes the affection and the attention and he wants to go for the belt. But he doesn't want to consider what it means if any of this is supposed to be more than whatever it makes him feel in the moment. He could get used to being around someone who wants to kiss him and touch him and take him out on dates and tell him lovely things, look at him like he's a person worth caring for.
He could get too used to that, and something like that lasting doesn't make very much sense to him. He is starting to feel something about what this is, and he needs a little more distance from it.]
I suppose not. [He shrugs a little.] Maybe the, uhm, novelty wears off? [Exciting for someone like Mollymauk to chase this new version of him, see what happens? And then he's seen it, so he can move on.]
[Maybe it's Molly's turn to get a little bit shitty because ouch? The implication that he's only doing this for novelty makes him feel sort of bad. He doesn't know why that makes him feel bad, though. Maybe just that's he's starting to feel some kind of way about it as well, and all the insistence that he unserious and something of a fool is making him defensive about how maybe it isn't just a flight of fancy and that's freaking him out too.
It's swirling up with the nastiness of memory in a way that's probably unfair as well. The repetition of being some sort of broken piece of a whole - a fragment of a monster that barely knows its own mind - sits heavily in the corner of the room. Maybe he's scared of you now? The novelty isn't wearing off for him, but it probably does for Caleb.
The eye closes again and he shrugs one shoulder, half-cocked grin on again after a brief falter.]
Um ... [Oh. Eloquent.] Are you telling me I need a new act?
[Obviously what he said was a little bit shitty, and he's not so clueless that he can't tell it hit that way. But he also doesn't exactly understand the dimensions of how Molly took it. It isn't that he thinks Molly is fundamentally unserious. But he does do a lot of things just to try them, just because they seem fun, and he doesn't really understand why he should be an exception to that.
He doesn't know how to respond to the question, though. No, he doesn't want him to stop flirting with him and smiling at him and being cute and making him feel wanted? But he might need him to stop. It's so easy around him to forget himself, slip into another version of himself where a handsome, nice boy's attention would be a pleasant and uncomplicated thing and he could see where it goes. But that doesn't happen to this version of him.]
. . . Hmm. No, but. Maybe it is wasted on the audience you've chosen?
[He can't help it, though. He reaches like he's going to touch him a little, maybe brush away some hair, but he thinks better of it. And that was a little cruel, so he adds - ]
[He softens a little at that, maybe just because the last thing he wants is Caleb using this as a whip on his own back? Sitting up again, just gently putting the tips of his fingers on Caleb's arm.]
Look, I ... Fuck. Um.
[He twists his mouth up. He isn't good at this sort of thing? Absolutely no practice.]
Don't think there's anything wrong with a bit of selfishness now and then. [...] But I don't want to hurt you either, Caleb. Not in-- Ah. Any way.
[But he is a little afraid of getting hurt, maybe. That's not the way he thinks about it in his head, but he is a little bit afraid. Not that Molly will be cruel, but that he will start to believe in something that's a little too good to be true.]
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Does someone have to? [. . .] Even he. . . wasn't exactly steering the ship anymore. Whatever happened for you to come to exist also seemed to have driven him crazy.
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I have no idea if that's better or worse.
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[The tears in his voice tug at his heartstrings, but he doesn't know what to say.]
It's better, isn't it? Not to have been . . . born to become what the terrible things that happen to us turn us into. Harder to look at but easier to try to do something about.
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Fuck.
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. . . So, as far as dates you've been on go?
[It's a joke, but he sort of says it softly, more meant as gentle than funny.]
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Was that a joke, Mr. Caleb?
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[A small smile.]
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That's a shame. It was a good one.
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. . . Okay?
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. . . It's both the best and worst date I've ever been on.
[The only date he's ever been on.]
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Can't imagine what I was doing instead?
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I meant. . .
[Other people? Attractive, appealing people?]
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My performance? As far as dates you've been on.
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Pretty good, I would say. Some highs and lows.
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Fuck. Going to have to do better next time.
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[Hmm.]
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. . . It was a long day. Just wanted to have a little fun, right?
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Nothing says you can't do something again if it was fun the first time. In fact, I'd say it suggests the opposite?
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He could get too used to that, and something like that lasting doesn't make very much sense to him. He is starting to feel something about what this is, and he needs a little more distance from it.]
I suppose not. [He shrugs a little.] Maybe the, uhm, novelty wears off? [Exciting for someone like Mollymauk to chase this new version of him, see what happens? And then he's seen it, so he can move on.]
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It's swirling up with the nastiness of memory in a way that's probably unfair as well. The repetition of being some sort of broken piece of a whole - a fragment of a monster that barely knows its own mind - sits heavily in the corner of the room. Maybe he's scared of you now? The novelty isn't wearing off for him, but it probably does for Caleb.
The eye closes again and he shrugs one shoulder, half-cocked grin on again after a brief falter.]
Um ... [Oh. Eloquent.] Are you telling me I need a new act?
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He doesn't know how to respond to the question, though. No, he doesn't want him to stop flirting with him and smiling at him and being cute and making him feel wanted? But he might need him to stop. It's so easy around him to forget himself, slip into another version of himself where a handsome, nice boy's attention would be a pleasant and uncomplicated thing and he could see where it goes. But that doesn't happen to this version of him.]
. . . Hmm. No, but. Maybe it is wasted on the audience you've chosen?
[He can't help it, though. He reaches like he's going to touch him a little, maybe brush away some hair, but he thinks better of it. And that was a little cruel, so he adds - ]
I know I've been selfish.
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Look, I ... Fuck. Um.
[He twists his mouth up. He isn't good at this sort of thing? Absolutely no practice.]
Don't think there's anything wrong with a bit of selfishness now and then. [...] But I don't want to hurt you either, Caleb. Not in-- Ah. Any way.
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[But he is a little afraid of getting hurt, maybe. That's not the way he thinks about it in his head, but he is a little bit afraid. Not that Molly will be cruel, but that he will start to believe in something that's a little too good to be true.]
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