[ oh!!!!!! he is so deeply touched by this actually. taking the umbrella and sticking it behind his ear so it's like a flower. ]
Don't know that it does any good to be constantly told to stay calm, keep it all buried deep inside. If it's terrible you should scream about it. There's nothing wrong with trying. It's the trying that matters. One day it might work.
[ the gentleness is appreciated, but it's not strictly necessary. mizi remembers her all the time. ]
...We went to school together. We were a little like opposites, back then. She was smart, but quiet, and you know me. I talk a lot, but my grades were never that good.
I think a bunch of people thought she was aloof. But if she let you in, she was gentle, and determined. Her guardian expected a lot from her but she, um. She cared, a lot, about being her own person.
[ through the thoughtshare, molly can see sua, standing in the corner, smiling serenely. ]
[ tilts her head a little, like it'll give some sort of visual cue that she's talking to someone else. ]
Hi, Lucien. [ a nervous little smile. ] Um, you're probably going to think what I'm about to say is really corny, but I also don't care, so.
I told Mollymauk a little bit about the cave they sent me to, for Fear Factor. I didn't tell him everything. It wasn't really me who went there. It was a version of me that didn't remember anything about my life. Her name was Star. They never let her out of the cave, so I guess she's dead now.
She was better than me. Didn't have any of the experiences that messed me up. What I did today, I did it 'cause it's what she would have done.
I don't know what it's like to be stuck in someone's head. But, um, I know what it's like to meet a kinder version of yourself, and know that you can't ever really be them. I don't know if you're jealous. I was, for a little while.
[ a deep breath. ]
Anyway. That's it. Just wanted you to be less alone, since you were decent to me this afternoon.
[ the way this just pretty much summed it all up. he's very touched - molly himself, though lucien's feelings on it are probably a bit more complicated, but those are less on the surface, further away. there's quiet in molly's head for a long moment.
[ mizi smiles at lucien's response, glad that one thing she's tried today has actually worked out. ]
It is encouraging. And I won't. [ she leans in to whisper in molly's ear, covering her face so that no one watching at home can read her lips. ] I'm gonna get my wish. And I'm going to make sure that this is the last round of the competition they ever do.
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[ hands him the drink. the umbrella was always for molly <3 ]
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Don't know that it does any good to be constantly told to stay calm, keep it all buried deep inside. If it's terrible you should scream about it. There's nothing wrong with trying. It's the trying that matters. One day it might work.
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Maybe it will. [ she doesn't sound super optimistic. ] They all cheered for Sua. Hundreds of people, and they all watched -
[ stops there. swallows. ]
- I didn't want it to be like that. For Shadow Milk, or Pure Vanilla.
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...Yeah. She died in the first round of my other competition.
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[ gentle, and not insistent - if she doesn't want to remember right now, she doesn't have to. ]
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...We went to school together. We were a little like opposites, back then. She was smart, but quiet, and you know me. I talk a lot, but my grades were never that good.
I think a bunch of people thought she was aloof. But if she let you in, she was gentle, and determined. Her guardian expected a lot from her but she, um. She cared, a lot, about being her own person.
[ through the thoughtshare, molly can see sua, standing in the corner, smiling serenely. ]
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Not your place to talk about it.
he'll glance up at the sua in the corner, before looking back to mizi, tilting his head. ]
Then we'll make sure to do right by her.
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I don't. But her faults are just for me.
[ sua's eyes dull to a lifeless, grayish violet, before she disappears completely. mizi keeps her eyes on mollymauk. ]
Do you mind if I say something to Lucien?
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[ there's silence in his head for the moment. ]
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[ tilts her head a little, like it'll give some sort of visual cue that she's talking to someone else. ]
Hi, Lucien. [ a nervous little smile. ] Um, you're probably going to think what I'm about to say is really corny, but I also don't care, so.
I told Mollymauk a little bit about the cave they sent me to, for Fear Factor. I didn't tell him everything. It wasn't really me who went there. It was a version of me that didn't remember anything about my life. Her name was Star. They never let her out of the cave, so I guess she's dead now.
She was better than me. Didn't have any of the experiences that messed me up. What I did today, I did it 'cause it's what she would have done.
I don't know what it's like to be stuck in someone's head. But, um, I know what it's like to meet a kinder version of yourself, and know that you can't ever really be them. I don't know if you're jealous. I was, for a little while.
[ a deep breath. ]
Anyway. That's it. Just wanted you to be less alone, since you were decent to me this afternoon.
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*Don't let the bastards grind you down. ]
... I think that's him being encouraging?
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It is encouraging. And I won't. [ she leans in to whisper in molly's ear, covering her face so that no one watching at home can read her lips. ] I'm gonna get my wish. And I'm going to make sure that this is the last round of the competition they ever do.