[ the gentleness is appreciated, but it's not strictly necessary. mizi remembers her all the time. ]
...We went to school together. We were a little like opposites, back then. She was smart, but quiet, and you know me. I talk a lot, but my grades were never that good.
I think a bunch of people thought she was aloof. But if she let you in, she was gentle, and determined. Her guardian expected a lot from her but she, um. She cared, a lot, about being her own person.
[ through the thoughtshare, molly can see sua, standing in the corner, smiling serenely. ]
[ tilts her head a little, like it'll give some sort of visual cue that she's talking to someone else. ]
Hi, Lucien. [ a nervous little smile. ] Um, you're probably going to think what I'm about to say is really corny, but I also don't care, so.
I told Mollymauk a little bit about the cave they sent me to, for Fear Factor. I didn't tell him everything. It wasn't really me who went there. It was a version of me that didn't remember anything about my life. Her name was Star. They never let her out of the cave, so I guess she's dead now.
She was better than me. Didn't have any of the experiences that messed me up. What I did today, I did it 'cause it's what she would have done.
I don't know what it's like to be stuck in someone's head. But, um, I know what it's like to meet a kinder version of yourself, and know that you can't ever really be them. I don't know if you're jealous. I was, for a little while.
[ a deep breath. ]
Anyway. That's it. Just wanted you to be less alone, since you were decent to me this afternoon.
[ the way this just pretty much summed it all up. he's very touched - molly himself, though lucien's feelings on it are probably a bit more complicated, but those are less on the surface, further away. there's quiet in molly's head for a long moment.
[ mizi smiles at lucien's response, glad that one thing she's tried today has actually worked out. ]
It is encouraging. And I won't. [ she leans in to whisper in molly's ear, covering her face so that no one watching at home can read her lips. ] I'm gonna get my wish. And I'm going to make sure that this is the last round of the competition they ever do.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Maybe it will. [ she doesn't sound super optimistic. ] They all cheered for Sua. Hundreds of people, and they all watched -
[ stops there. swallows. ]
- I didn't want it to be like that. For Shadow Milk, or Pure Vanilla.
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...Yeah. She died in the first round of my other competition.
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[ gentle, and not insistent - if she doesn't want to remember right now, she doesn't have to. ]
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...We went to school together. We were a little like opposites, back then. She was smart, but quiet, and you know me. I talk a lot, but my grades were never that good.
I think a bunch of people thought she was aloof. But if she let you in, she was gentle, and determined. Her guardian expected a lot from her but she, um. She cared, a lot, about being her own person.
[ through the thoughtshare, molly can see sua, standing in the corner, smiling serenely. ]
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Not your place to talk about it.
he'll glance up at the sua in the corner, before looking back to mizi, tilting his head. ]
Then we'll make sure to do right by her.
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I don't. But her faults are just for me.
[ sua's eyes dull to a lifeless, grayish violet, before she disappears completely. mizi keeps her eyes on mollymauk. ]
Do you mind if I say something to Lucien?
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[ there's silence in his head for the moment. ]
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[ tilts her head a little, like it'll give some sort of visual cue that she's talking to someone else. ]
Hi, Lucien. [ a nervous little smile. ] Um, you're probably going to think what I'm about to say is really corny, but I also don't care, so.
I told Mollymauk a little bit about the cave they sent me to, for Fear Factor. I didn't tell him everything. It wasn't really me who went there. It was a version of me that didn't remember anything about my life. Her name was Star. They never let her out of the cave, so I guess she's dead now.
She was better than me. Didn't have any of the experiences that messed me up. What I did today, I did it 'cause it's what she would have done.
I don't know what it's like to be stuck in someone's head. But, um, I know what it's like to meet a kinder version of yourself, and know that you can't ever really be them. I don't know if you're jealous. I was, for a little while.
[ a deep breath. ]
Anyway. That's it. Just wanted you to be less alone, since you were decent to me this afternoon.
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*Don't let the bastards grind you down. ]
... I think that's him being encouraging?
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It is encouraging. And I won't. [ she leans in to whisper in molly's ear, covering her face so that no one watching at home can read her lips. ] I'm gonna get my wish. And I'm going to make sure that this is the last round of the competition they ever do.