[ got it! it takes a bit, but eventually, gu yun comes to nudge the door fully open to molly's room. he's dressed in dark blue robes instead of the black ones from the morning, and he shuts the door behind him with a click. ]
Useful little pictures, aren't they. [ tucking his phone back into his belt. where're you hanging out, molly. ]
[molly is just in his room on the first floor - and he'll poke his head out as soon as he hears gu yun. he's without the coat for right now, it's slung across the end of his bed for now.]
I'm better at the pictures. Good at reading those.
Feels a bit like a secret language, if I'm to be honest. [ it's not it's just emoji. fuckin ye oldes.
he's got a little smile for him in greeting once he sees him, though, toeing out of his boots like a good boy and padding across the way towards molly and his room itself. ] Though, maybe one I'm a bit far behind on.
[ uncool!!! he pauses, leaning on the door of the room for a brief moment. ] How're you, after earlier?
[Molly will just walk back into his own room - he's at least taken his boots off now for once, just in his brightly patterned pants, belt and the loose shirt he's almost always in. comfortable things he's used to. He just sits down on his bed again, where he's kind of clear he's been wallowing for a bit. he isn't much of a wallower, so, this is a new development.]
I don't know. Empty, mostly. It was anger, and then relief, and then disgust at the relief, and then . . . nothing. I suppose.
[ sounds about right. gu yun pushes off of the door and makes his way over, choosing not to immediately sit, but rather, to come stand in front of him, idly nudging at his knee with a leg to make space for himself in molly's bubble as he's done to him. ]
There's not really any other way to feel about it, I don't think. [ empty. angry. relieved. disgusted. numb. gu yun's the latter - he's so used to death that it glances off of his shoulders. you get used to it feels like the wrong thing to say.
there's anger, though, under there. at this circumstance, at this place as a whole. at everything hk-47 said - that someone ordered him to do it. but with anger, comes purpose, and forward motion. ] There's no particular closure in it, either. Death doesn't tend to solve death.
[yes yes, he's allowed in as much of molly's bubble as he'd like - molly will move to accommodate, though his tail wraps around to nudge at the offending knee in retribution. He doesn't reach out yet, just waiting for the moment.
he glances up at gu yun at that - death doesn't tend to solve death. ]
No. But she would-- she did do the same for me. I owe her that little. More than that. Though it helps even the scales a bit.
[He pauses, hands tightening at the blankets for a moment, while he thinks something over. Whether he's ready to tell this to another person. A real face, instead of a blank hood.]
Right. [ he is starting to get used to the tail, finally, at least - he glances down, dropping his hand near it (though, with no plan, he doesn't do much more than that.)
gu yun thinks back, for a moment, to beauregard, to the way they'd talked about her the night before her participation in that farce. the mighty nein don't leave each other behind. to the story of the tattoos, the alcohol from the bar. he might be shit at comforting other people (not that the want to do so isn't there - in situations like this, it feels so different from home), but gu yun's good at being observant.
he steps forward a little further into his space, bracketed by his legs on either side, and his eyes flick to the hand in the blankets, then back. ] ...Molly.
[ softly, this time. gu yun's not sure if it's implying (i can tell) or coaxing (you can tell me), but there's something teetering on an edge there that's hard to miss. he'll jump back, if molly wants to, but if he doesn't. ]
She-- She killed the man that killed me. Or the Nein did. So I did owe her. I owed her that.
[That isn't exactly the thing he'd been building to, but it felt like something to say. A piece of meat to the tiger that's pacing at his door. He looks up, still exhausted, dark circles as deep as they have been all week, his best attempt at disguise golden eyeshadow and the red liner, a glittery distraction from the obvious problem.
But he eventually finds his voice again.]
. . . She said that she learned from me. That- [Well. He can't quite bring himself to share everything.] That after I died, she wanted to do things a little differently. So I made the same sort of promise, in my own head. That I would learn from her. I want to be more like her, too. Brave enough to fight like godsdamn hell for what needs to be done. For what I want to protect.
On the other side, there's a person I'm . . . I'm scared of being. And he drowns in blood both his and others, and is buried alone in an unmarked grave. I've never been an angry person, I've never-- I've never had tragedy in my life like this, and it can either eat you alive, or you can use it for something. And at times now I can feel it, gnawing inside me. It's stronger than I thought it would be.
[ it can either eat you alive, or you can use it for something.
gu yun takes a deep breath. inhale, exhale.
(either you will learn to stand up, or else find a place to hang yourself.) ]
...From what that thing said today, he was given orders. I don't know where those orders came from, or what the scope of them was yet - but it means that there was more to it than just an iron puppet spouting its mouth off. I've been wondering since last week, if perhaps there was a much grander conspiracy to the things that have gone on here, and now, with a pattern established, I have an answer.
There's something at play here much larger than what happens from week to week. It means that it's not just over, because that thing was crushed into a cube. [ it means there will likely be more weekends like this. it means someone else might be running off to exterminate others on orders with hk-47 gone. it means there's no guarantee of safety.
until the larger enemy is removed. until the very end. ] It seems there will be many chances yet to fight like hell, because we have only just begun to unravel the circumstances of this place. That anger can be a terrifying, short burst of flame - [ and shouldn't be, especially not in the short term - ] or it can be fuel towards the larger problem at hand.
You've said it best, I think - it can eat you alive, or you can use it for something. [ finally, gu yun reaches out - his hands come up to frame molly's face, instead, holding him there. he looks like an absolute wreck, and his brow furrows briefly, but, gu yun keeps his focus on the conversation instead, his dark eyes serious, solemn, expression closer to determination than worry or sorrow.
(sometimes, gu yun looks at mollymauk and sees those red eyes, and remembers - remembers chang geng's terrified expression, his pupils doubled, the colors bright, bright red. right now, it's clearer than ever. "yifu, in this world, is there an existing type of poison, that can turn someone insane?") ]
... I'd like to show whoever thinks our lives are entertainment who they're really dealing with, and - I won't be leaving you behind in the process, either. [ because he can learn a little from beau, too. ] If you've owed her that, then, we still have a long way to go.
something about seeing gu yun like this again, upright, holding his face in his hands like mollymauk is a child, makes him feel a bit better. calms some of the terrible, terrifying empty feeling that's haunting the back of his brain. He just matches his gaze, and
after a long moment, reaches up to a put a hand over one that's against his cheek.]
Right, then. No one is left behind.
[He pauses, though, looking down again briefly.]
Wrath-- Wrath believes the order came from her. Unintentionally.
[There's a bit in his voice where it seems he can't quite decide how he feels about that. What emotion that brings up. Wrath hadn't meant it, had little choice, but something about still feels.
Well. A thread in a tapestry of loss. He supposes he's added his own too.]
[ well. that makes a conversation he had earlier today make even more sense, now.
gu yun's expression changes, again, mouth pulling grim at the corner. he leaves his hand at molly's cheek, cupping it as he's processing the idea. and combined with the trial from the day before...
... ]
It would've taken any sort of chance to do so. It's not their fault. [ as was clearly proven, today.
gu yun closes his eyes. briefly. there's no stopping grief or guilt, though. ] What an accursed mess.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Useful little pictures, aren't they. [ tucking his phone back into his belt. where're you hanging out, molly. ]
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I'm better at the pictures. Good at reading those.
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he's got a little smile for him in greeting once he sees him, though, toeing out of his boots like a good boy and padding across the way towards molly and his room itself. ] Though, maybe one I'm a bit far behind on.
[ uncool!!! he pauses, leaning on the door of the room for a brief moment. ] How're you, after earlier?
no subject
I don't know. Empty, mostly. It was anger, and then relief, and then disgust at the relief, and then . . . nothing. I suppose.
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[ sounds about right. gu yun pushes off of the door and makes his way over, choosing not to immediately sit, but rather, to come stand in front of him, idly nudging at his knee with a leg to make space for himself in molly's bubble as he's done to him. ]
There's not really any other way to feel about it, I don't think. [ empty. angry. relieved. disgusted. numb. gu yun's the latter - he's so used to death that it glances off of his shoulders. you get used to it feels like the wrong thing to say.
there's anger, though, under there. at this circumstance, at this place as a whole. at everything hk-47 said - that someone ordered him to do it. but with anger, comes purpose, and forward motion. ] There's no particular closure in it, either. Death doesn't tend to solve death.
no subject
he glances up at gu yun at that - death doesn't tend to solve death. ]
No. But she would-- she did do the same for me. I owe her that little. More than that. Though it helps even the scales a bit.
[He pauses, hands tightening at the blankets for a moment, while he thinks something over. Whether he's ready to tell this to another person. A real face, instead of a blank hood.]
no subject
gu yun thinks back, for a moment, to beauregard, to the way they'd talked about her the night before her participation in that farce. the mighty nein don't leave each other behind. to the story of the tattoos, the alcohol from the bar. he might be shit at comforting other people (not that the want to do so isn't there - in situations like this, it feels so different from home), but gu yun's good at being observant.
he steps forward a little further into his space, bracketed by his legs on either side, and his eyes flick to the hand in the blankets, then back. ] ...Molly.
[ softly, this time. gu yun's not sure if it's implying (i can tell) or coaxing (you can tell me), but there's something teetering on an edge there that's hard to miss. he'll jump back, if molly wants to, but if he doesn't. ]
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[That isn't exactly the thing he'd been building to, but it felt like something to say. A piece of meat to the tiger that's pacing at his door. He looks up, still exhausted, dark circles as deep as they have been all week, his best attempt at disguise golden eyeshadow and the red liner, a glittery distraction from the obvious problem.
But he eventually finds his voice again.]
. . . She said that she learned from me. That- [Well. He can't quite bring himself to share everything.] That after I died, she wanted to do things a little differently. So I made the same sort of promise, in my own head. That I would learn from her. I want to be more like her, too. Brave enough to fight like godsdamn hell for what needs to be done. For what I want to protect.
On the other side, there's a person I'm . . . I'm scared of being. And he drowns in blood both his and others, and is buried alone in an unmarked grave. I've never been an angry person, I've never-- I've never had tragedy in my life like this, and it can either eat you alive, or you can use it for something. And at times now I can feel it, gnawing inside me. It's stronger than I thought it would be.
no subject
gu yun takes a deep breath. inhale, exhale.
(either you will learn to stand up, or else find a place to hang yourself.) ]
...From what that thing said today, he was given orders. I don't know where those orders came from, or what the scope of them was yet - but it means that there was more to it than just an iron puppet spouting its mouth off. I've been wondering since last week, if perhaps there was a much grander conspiracy to the things that have gone on here, and now, with a pattern established, I have an answer.
There's something at play here much larger than what happens from week to week. It means that it's not just over, because that thing was crushed into a cube. [ it means there will likely be more weekends like this. it means someone else might be running off to exterminate others on orders with hk-47 gone. it means there's no guarantee of safety.
until the larger enemy is removed. until the very end. ] It seems there will be many chances yet to fight like hell, because we have only just begun to unravel the circumstances of this place. That anger can be a terrifying, short burst of flame - [ and shouldn't be, especially not in the short term - ] or it can be fuel towards the larger problem at hand.
You've said it best, I think - it can eat you alive, or you can use it for something. [ finally, gu yun reaches out - his hands come up to frame molly's face, instead, holding him there. he looks like an absolute wreck, and his brow furrows briefly, but, gu yun keeps his focus on the conversation instead, his dark eyes serious, solemn, expression closer to determination than worry or sorrow.
(sometimes, gu yun looks at mollymauk and sees those red eyes, and remembers - remembers chang geng's terrified expression, his pupils doubled, the colors bright, bright red. right now, it's clearer than ever. "yifu, in this world, is there an existing type of poison, that can turn someone insane?") ]
... I'd like to show whoever thinks our lives are entertainment who they're really dealing with, and - I won't be leaving you behind in the process, either. [ because he can learn a little from beau, too. ] If you've owed her that, then, we still have a long way to go.
no subject
something about seeing gu yun like this again, upright, holding his face in his hands like mollymauk is a child, makes him feel a bit better. calms some of the terrible, terrifying empty feeling that's haunting the back of his brain. He just matches his gaze, and
after a long moment, reaches up to a put a hand over one that's against his cheek.]
Right, then. No one is left behind.
[He pauses, though, looking down again briefly.]
Wrath-- Wrath believes the order came from her. Unintentionally.
[There's a bit in his voice where it seems he can't quite decide how he feels about that. What emotion that brings up. Wrath hadn't meant it, had little choice, but something about still feels.
Well. A thread in a tapestry of loss. He supposes he's added his own too.]
no subject
gu yun's expression changes, again, mouth pulling grim at the corner. he leaves his hand at molly's cheek, cupping it as he's processing the idea. and combined with the trial from the day before...
... ]
It would've taken any sort of chance to do so. It's not their fault. [ as was clearly proven, today.
gu yun closes his eyes. briefly. there's no stopping grief or guilt, though. ] What an accursed mess.