I don’t know exactly what happened, but if it was a power, of all people to use it on... It seems like a waste, since I can’t imagine nobody will go after him.
I doubt he will. Too many eyes on him now. He's obviously not a good person, but I don't think he's stupid enough to risk it when he's under so much scrutiny, either. [...] Although, I guess he could use that as a 'might as well' kind of excuse. Who knows.
[Just. Taking another long drag then, rubbing at his forehead with a thumb before he just starts.]
As I'm sure you're well aware by now, I know who killed Mahito and I've known since Friday. I helped Gu Yun cover at trial. I ... won't let this place take him. I promised I wouldn't.
A lot of complicated reasons, some more shitty than others?
[flicking off the end of the cigarette, tail swishing a bit.]
First and foremost, you were going to find out one way or another, and I think it needed to come from one of us. There's situations where a lie is useful and where one isn't, and just continuing to pretend to your face when you clearly knew is more of a spit in your mouth than just ... putting it out there.
And because if you wanted to act on it, take some sort of revenge, if it were me, I'd be more likely to do it if the person I was acting against was continuing to do some stupid theatre show in front of me, pretending they'd done nothing wrong.
I'm not going to pretend I'm not angry. But I'm not going to do anything to anyone involved.
[pausing, thinking about how best to explain this.]
I know who the heroes and villains in this story are. I told you already that I'm not surprised Mahito did something like this. But... [Mm.] Do you know why Gu Yun did it? Was he just worried that he would act eventually?
I don't think it's so clear-cut as heroes and villains. There's just ... people. Acting with their backs against walls. And then we choose what we can and can't live with.
[And, after a second.]
I'd like it noted somewhere that I, personally, do not think you'd make a move like that. And one of my shittier reasons for telling you is that I like talking with you and I don't think I could continue to if I hadn't. Would have felt too fucking shitty. So there's that.
[He crosses his arms tightly at the second part, now a little wrapped up the anxiety part of this again.]
Mahito acted against him, from what I understand. And that's what I believe as well.
[there's a long pause while she takes all that in. she stands up so she can... pace, kind of, her hands entwined behind her back. there's a sort of forced lightness in her tone, but something about it sounds cold.]
Mm, to make sure I'm understanding! The first reason you gave me is that while it might be a different story entirely if you thought there was a chance I wouldn't find out, since you figured I would probably know either way, you wanted it to come from one of you, which it didn't. The second is that, while you might not think I would pull a move like that, at least a few members of that panel you mentioned were worried enough about it that it was another motivating factor, given the fact that I would find out regardless. And the third is that it would have been hard for you, personally, if I didn't know.
[Yeah! he notices that. he thinks it's fair enough so. He just stays on the ground, tail curling around his legs, twisting tight around an ankle - little signs of nervousness apart from the incessant smoking.]
I told you they were shit, Endorsi. I'm a liar and a con artist, but I try my fucking damndest to not be a betrayer. I'm trying to do as right by you now as I know how, though I can see how I'm fucking the dog on it at this moment.
[the tone of her voice shifts, a little more openly irritated, as she moves her arms to cross them.]
It’s not like I’m surprised people don’t think I’m trustworthy, or that I’m surprised you would try to protect him! It’s like you said. You made a choice you could live with. But you get why I’m angry, too, right? That you’ve been talking with people behind my back trying to decide if I deserve to - no, me deserving to know wasn’t even one of your reasons, was it?
[That's fine! Anger is fine. the tail at least unwinds from his ankle at that.]
I get it! I get why you're angry. You deserve to know! Hence why I said I'd tell you. Sort of implied in the action of it? Or at least that's how I meant it. I'm really bad at these honesty things, this is new for me!
[Ugh, okay, reorienting.]
And when I say panel it was an ill-timed joke about how I had to ask Gu Yun if I could spill his secrets, since it wasn't, I don't know, all mine to share without him knowing. That's all.
You think I plan these things? Fuck if I know how I hoped this would go, I didn't think about it! I'm not playing any mind games here. I certainly didn't expect you to hold me and cry in gratitude.
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...Really?
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Really what? I'm allowed. I'm a big girl.
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[but she'll take a seat next to him, here in the void.]
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[Offering it over?]
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No thanks! I don’t know how I would act, and I’d like to keep my dignity.
[but, hm.]
Hard day, then, I guess? Well, not that it’s a surprise. I don’t think anyone is really happy right now.
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[But okay, sure.]
Think we're just ... processing? What about you?
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[sighing.]
I don’t know exactly what happened, but if it was a power, of all people to use it on... It seems like a waste, since I can’t imagine nobody will go after him.
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[He'll just be upfront about that! Will not be shocked if something happens to him next week.]
I suppose in the end the thing I fucking care about is making sure he doesn't take anyone else out.
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[smh at whoever did this]
I doubt he will. Too many eyes on him now. He's obviously not a good person, but I don't think he's stupid enough to risk it when he's under so much scrutiny, either. [...] Although, I guess he could use that as a 'might as well' kind of excuse. Who knows.
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[just. rubbing his temples.]
Have you spoken to him much since?
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[sighing.]
I talked to him, yes. Why?
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I'd like to hear it from you, anyways.
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[Just. Taking another long drag then, rubbing at his forehead with a thumb before he just starts.]
As I'm sure you're well aware by now, I know who killed Mahito and I've known since Friday. I helped Gu Yun cover at trial. I ... won't let this place take him. I promised I wouldn't.
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she doesn't sound angry, or surprised. she sounds - very careful with her words, when she speaks.]
Tell me honestly. Why did you decide to tell me?
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[flicking off the end of the cigarette, tail swishing a bit.]
First and foremost, you were going to find out one way or another, and I think it needed to come from one of us. There's situations where a lie is useful and where one isn't, and just continuing to pretend to your face when you clearly knew is more of a spit in your mouth than just ... putting it out there.
And because if you wanted to act on it, take some sort of revenge, if it were me, I'd be more likely to do it if the person I was acting against was continuing to do some stupid theatre show in front of me, pretending they'd done nothing wrong.
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[pausing, thinking about how best to explain this.]
I know who the heroes and villains in this story are. I told you already that I'm not surprised Mahito did something like this. But... [Mm.] Do you know why Gu Yun did it? Was he just worried that he would act eventually?
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[And, after a second.]
I'd like it noted somewhere that I, personally, do not think you'd make a move like that. And one of my shittier reasons for telling you is that I like talking with you and I don't think I could continue to if I hadn't. Would have felt too fucking shitty. So there's that.
[He crosses his arms tightly at the second part, now a little wrapped up the anxiety part of this again.]
Mahito acted against him, from what I understand. And that's what I believe as well.
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Mm, to make sure I'm understanding! The first reason you gave me is that while it might be a different story entirely if you thought there was a chance I wouldn't find out, since you figured I would probably know either way, you wanted it to come from one of you, which it didn't. The second is that, while you might not think I would pull a move like that, at least a few members of that panel you mentioned were worried enough about it that it was another motivating factor, given the fact that I would find out regardless. And the third is that it would have been hard for you, personally, if I didn't know.
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I told you they were shit, Endorsi. I'm a liar and a con artist, but I try my fucking damndest to not be a betrayer. I'm trying to do as right by you now as I know how, though I can see how I'm fucking the dog on it at this moment.
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It’s not like I’m surprised people don’t think I’m trustworthy, or that I’m surprised you would try to protect him! It’s like you said. You made a choice you could live with. But you get why I’m angry, too, right? That you’ve been talking with people behind my back trying to decide if I deserve to - no, me deserving to know wasn’t even one of your reasons, was it?
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I get it! I get why you're angry. You deserve to know! Hence why I said I'd tell you. Sort of implied in the action of it? Or at least that's how I meant it. I'm really bad at these honesty things, this is new for me!
[Ugh, okay, reorienting.]
And when I say panel it was an ill-timed joke about how I had to ask Gu Yun if I could spill his secrets, since it wasn't, I don't know, all mine to share without him knowing. That's all.
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How were you hoping this would go? Were you hoping I’d say I understand, and that things would be fine? I’m not sure what you’re expecting.
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Stand up for a second, okay?
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