A lot of complicated reasons, some more shitty than others?
[flicking off the end of the cigarette, tail swishing a bit.]
First and foremost, you were going to find out one way or another, and I think it needed to come from one of us. There's situations where a lie is useful and where one isn't, and just continuing to pretend to your face when you clearly knew is more of a spit in your mouth than just ... putting it out there.
And because if you wanted to act on it, take some sort of revenge, if it were me, I'd be more likely to do it if the person I was acting against was continuing to do some stupid theatre show in front of me, pretending they'd done nothing wrong.
I'm not going to pretend I'm not angry. But I'm not going to do anything to anyone involved.
[pausing, thinking about how best to explain this.]
I know who the heroes and villains in this story are. I told you already that I'm not surprised Mahito did something like this. But... [Mm.] Do you know why Gu Yun did it? Was he just worried that he would act eventually?
I don't think it's so clear-cut as heroes and villains. There's just ... people. Acting with their backs against walls. And then we choose what we can and can't live with.
[And, after a second.]
I'd like it noted somewhere that I, personally, do not think you'd make a move like that. And one of my shittier reasons for telling you is that I like talking with you and I don't think I could continue to if I hadn't. Would have felt too fucking shitty. So there's that.
[He crosses his arms tightly at the second part, now a little wrapped up the anxiety part of this again.]
Mahito acted against him, from what I understand. And that's what I believe as well.
[there's a long pause while she takes all that in. she stands up so she can... pace, kind of, her hands entwined behind her back. there's a sort of forced lightness in her tone, but something about it sounds cold.]
Mm, to make sure I'm understanding! The first reason you gave me is that while it might be a different story entirely if you thought there was a chance I wouldn't find out, since you figured I would probably know either way, you wanted it to come from one of you, which it didn't. The second is that, while you might not think I would pull a move like that, at least a few members of that panel you mentioned were worried enough about it that it was another motivating factor, given the fact that I would find out regardless. And the third is that it would have been hard for you, personally, if I didn't know.
[Yeah! he notices that. he thinks it's fair enough so. He just stays on the ground, tail curling around his legs, twisting tight around an ankle - little signs of nervousness apart from the incessant smoking.]
I told you they were shit, Endorsi. I'm a liar and a con artist, but I try my fucking damndest to not be a betrayer. I'm trying to do as right by you now as I know how, though I can see how I'm fucking the dog on it at this moment.
[the tone of her voice shifts, a little more openly irritated, as she moves her arms to cross them.]
It’s not like I’m surprised people don’t think I’m trustworthy, or that I’m surprised you would try to protect him! It’s like you said. You made a choice you could live with. But you get why I’m angry, too, right? That you’ve been talking with people behind my back trying to decide if I deserve to - no, me deserving to know wasn’t even one of your reasons, was it?
[That's fine! Anger is fine. the tail at least unwinds from his ankle at that.]
I get it! I get why you're angry. You deserve to know! Hence why I said I'd tell you. Sort of implied in the action of it? Or at least that's how I meant it. I'm really bad at these honesty things, this is new for me!
[Ugh, okay, reorienting.]
And when I say panel it was an ill-timed joke about how I had to ask Gu Yun if I could spill his secrets, since it wasn't, I don't know, all mine to share without him knowing. That's all.
You think I plan these things? Fuck if I know how I hoped this would go, I didn't think about it! I'm not playing any mind games here. I certainly didn't expect you to hold me and cry in gratitude.
I am not! I wouldn’t have hit you at all if I was. I just didn’t want to deal with you getting all weird if I went for the one place you asked me not to.
I would have just complained a lot! I'm-- I do this for a living! I'm in fights all the time, I bleed myself for magic powers, I can handle some face punching!
Then why did you tell me not to? It would have been way more satisfying for me, you know!
[stop
but she sighs.]
Like I said... I’m not going to act like I’m not really mad at you! Both of you. But I didn’t exactly love some of the choices Mahito made, either.
You can be angry! I think you're right to be. I was fucking angry when I found out. [Pulling his joint out from behind his ear and digging in his coat for his lighter again.] I fucking hate men. I'm sticking to women and other from this point on.
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[flicking off the end of the cigarette, tail swishing a bit.]
First and foremost, you were going to find out one way or another, and I think it needed to come from one of us. There's situations where a lie is useful and where one isn't, and just continuing to pretend to your face when you clearly knew is more of a spit in your mouth than just ... putting it out there.
And because if you wanted to act on it, take some sort of revenge, if it were me, I'd be more likely to do it if the person I was acting against was continuing to do some stupid theatre show in front of me, pretending they'd done nothing wrong.
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[pausing, thinking about how best to explain this.]
I know who the heroes and villains in this story are. I told you already that I'm not surprised Mahito did something like this. But... [Mm.] Do you know why Gu Yun did it? Was he just worried that he would act eventually?
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[And, after a second.]
I'd like it noted somewhere that I, personally, do not think you'd make a move like that. And one of my shittier reasons for telling you is that I like talking with you and I don't think I could continue to if I hadn't. Would have felt too fucking shitty. So there's that.
[He crosses his arms tightly at the second part, now a little wrapped up the anxiety part of this again.]
Mahito acted against him, from what I understand. And that's what I believe as well.
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Mm, to make sure I'm understanding! The first reason you gave me is that while it might be a different story entirely if you thought there was a chance I wouldn't find out, since you figured I would probably know either way, you wanted it to come from one of you, which it didn't. The second is that, while you might not think I would pull a move like that, at least a few members of that panel you mentioned were worried enough about it that it was another motivating factor, given the fact that I would find out regardless. And the third is that it would have been hard for you, personally, if I didn't know.
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I told you they were shit, Endorsi. I'm a liar and a con artist, but I try my fucking damndest to not be a betrayer. I'm trying to do as right by you now as I know how, though I can see how I'm fucking the dog on it at this moment.
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It’s not like I’m surprised people don’t think I’m trustworthy, or that I’m surprised you would try to protect him! It’s like you said. You made a choice you could live with. But you get why I’m angry, too, right? That you’ve been talking with people behind my back trying to decide if I deserve to - no, me deserving to know wasn’t even one of your reasons, was it?
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I get it! I get why you're angry. You deserve to know! Hence why I said I'd tell you. Sort of implied in the action of it? Or at least that's how I meant it. I'm really bad at these honesty things, this is new for me!
[Ugh, okay, reorienting.]
And when I say panel it was an ill-timed joke about how I had to ask Gu Yun if I could spill his secrets, since it wasn't, I don't know, all mine to share without him knowing. That's all.
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How were you hoping this would go? Were you hoping I’d say I understand, and that things would be fine? I’m not sure what you’re expecting.
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Stand up for a second, okay?
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[he puts out the cigarette on the ground and shoves it behind his ear, standing up. because he knows where this is going probably.]
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[she looks like she’s thinking about that pretty hard even though he asked because she’s mean
but in the end she goes for his shoulder.]
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Ah-- Seriously? You are nice at heart, aren't you? [Hissing, holding his shoulder.] I'd have gone for the face anyway.
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[yeah that’s definitely it]
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[don't act offended about this molly]
. . . I'm sorry. I should have trusted you more.
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[stop
but she sighs.]
Like I said... I’m not going to act like I’m not really mad at you! Both of you. But I didn’t exactly love some of the choices Mahito made, either.
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We're better in every way, so good choice!