[ he scratches the side of his head, stopping at least. ]
I always-- I always end up in a yelling match in these things. Guess I've managed to stay out of it more this run, but ... Got a bit of a reputation for it.
She really-- I know no one deserves this and all, but ... she really doesn't. She takes care of everyone. She has a family she loves. She shouldn't have to do any of this.
[ sadly molly just doesn't even care if sheila dumped a boy in the trash, she can truly do anything. ]
Right now? Yes. Tomorrow? I don't know. I understand it. I'm sure there's someone right now who's having a conversation where they're more than relieved that Sheila got the vote.
I've been told I don't resent people enough, and I've got to practice it.
Truly? I do not think anyone should try to harbor more resentment.
[ honestly, it would be so great not to hate people with fervor. ]
But I have spent a great deal of time trying to figure out what the right or wrong way to feel is. Relief that one of my loved ones was spared while another died, satisfaction when someone was caught for a crime, resentment at the ones who get away... it is all rather ugly.
[ he'll spend a minute or so thinking over all of that, leaning against the railing and letting his thumbs twiddle. ]
... I spend a lot of my time trying to keep to some sort of life philosophy, you know? I always want to leave a place better than I found it. Try and keep the balance, make the world slightly less shit in my wake. If I can. So I don't like feeling anger or despair or whatever else, because I suppose to me, it's giving up that part of me that can see something better.
But I don't know that there are right or wrong ways to feel. Sometimes you just feel things. You just have to try and figure out what feels the least terrible.
[ he's quiet at that, remembering camp. quietly, ]
...You are a good person, Mollymauk.
[ better than he is, anyway. ]
Anger and despair can be poisonous, but they are... easiest. Even if it is natural to me, I wish I felt them less. And these wretched 'games' fester the darkest emotions. [ it's going to kill sheila tomorrow. ] Can such a place be made better?
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softly, ]
You'll wear a hole in the carpet, Mollymauk.
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They can bill it to my room.
[ he scratches the side of his head, stopping at least. ]
I always-- I always end up in a yelling match in these things. Guess I've managed to stay out of it more this run, but ... Got a bit of a reputation for it.
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[ he wasn't part of the shouting match today, but he's certainly felt the urge to be like that before. ]
In the end, you were all fighting about whose loved one died today. Tempers were bound to flair.
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[ he is trying really hard to believe sheila isn't someone who would dump rupert down a garbage chute for fun for this conversation ]
Do you resent the person who went undiscovered?
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Right now? Yes. Tomorrow? I don't know. I understand it. I'm sure there's someone right now who's having a conversation where they're more than relieved that Sheila got the vote.
I've been told I don't resent people enough, and I've got to practice it.
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Truly? I do not think anyone should try to harbor more resentment.
[ honestly, it would be so great not to hate people with fervor. ]
But I have spent a great deal of time trying to figure out what the right or wrong way to feel is. Relief that one of my loved ones was spared while another died, satisfaction when someone was caught for a crime, resentment at the ones who get away... it is all rather ugly.
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... I spend a lot of my time trying to keep to some sort of life philosophy, you know? I always want to leave a place better than I found it. Try and keep the balance, make the world slightly less shit in my wake. If I can. So I don't like feeling anger or despair or whatever else, because I suppose to me, it's giving up that part of me that can see something better.
But I don't know that there are right or wrong ways to feel. Sometimes you just feel things. You just have to try and figure out what feels the least terrible.
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...You are a good person, Mollymauk.
[ better than he is, anyway. ]
Anger and despair can be poisonous, but they are... easiest. Even if it is natural to me, I wish I felt them less. And these wretched 'games' fester the darkest emotions. [ it's going to kill sheila tomorrow. ] Can such a place be made better?
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[ he doesn't seem ashamed or humble about that, about trying, anyway. ]
Well. Let's call it not making it actively worse, yeah?