Yes, I think so, anyway. Certainly, it was how we all got along.
[His nails tap against the table a bit.]
But as I'm sure you know, I'm rather arrogant about my particular philosophies, and she was looking for a fight with the whole world. But we watched each other's backs. One trash person for another. That was the deal.
... When I got to talk to her here, she had grown a lot.
[Seriously. He can be a bit of a downer. Maybe she's saying kind things more easily because it's kindness week. That doesn't mean she doesn't want to be saying them. Sometimes it's nice, to have the things you want to say anyway come more easily to you.]
It isn't always better to avoid speaking of it. I'd always thought so, but. . . it isn't.
[Just shaking his head because he doesn't find it particularly problematic? Optimistic maybe, but. Why not a little optimism. He isn't going to rain on even the tiniest of parades that Harrow is willing to throw.]
Funny, I-- Hadn't really thought about it. Picked up where I left off is the plan. [He scratches a bit at his face.] Think ... the Nein might outclass me a bit now, but I can ... catch up, maybe. I was promised a month off in Nicodranas. And to get to meet Jester's very attractive mother. They call her The Ruby of the Sea you know. Very famous courtesan. Has a whole song and everything. So those two things I suppose to start with.
I was already making the most of a second chance! It's exactly what I was already doing! I just want to get back to it. My life made me happy, I did things that brought me joy. I'd like to go back to being happy again. Don't have to have any grand plans to manage that.
I said, "some would say." It wasn't a criticism of your personal philosophies.
[Her feelings about it are more like. Imagine being happy and having no notes, just vibes? Wild.
Like. She just kind of gets stuck on that phrasing. "I'd like to go back to being happy again." Haha. Wow.]
I think if I met you some other place and moment, I would also hate hearing you talk like this. I'd think existing only to make yourself happy was unbearably selfish. But you aren't selfish, and you are probably one of the only people hear would could say there isn't much they would change.
[mollymauk "joy can fill a lot in a person's life" tealeaf is definitely that obnoxious person you know who just seems genuinely happy and shit and you hate them for it a little.]
And you? Your grand plans?
[He's a little wary about this question, because. well. there's a lot going on with harrow. but. there's followups he has so it's fine.]
. . . A slightly problematic question, because as you know, I don't know my own wish and what it might affect.
[Among other reasons it's problematic. Because she's just been realizing that little flaw. "I'd like to go back to being happy again." For most people, for most of her friends, being here is unbearably painful.
And here she is, dreading that it may soon come to an end.]
Putting that aside, I'll be returning to the Mithraeum. Studying under the tutelage of God until I can become a true Lyctor.
[no offense harrow but he's seen a pretty good sizzle reel of your memories and a good place it does not seem! it does not seem. but it might be time to admit something.]
It's a good one, I promise. And-- the Avatars seem to know. The problem is I don't think I can explain it. At least not right now. Sort of a man and a manticore situation.
Oh. [She blinks, a little confused by this for a second - ]
Yes, I know. Despair has also offered to fix the problem and let me remember if I choose to. I've been considering the strategic merits of it, but I've fairly certain the health consequences of my current condition aren't worth a return to the prior state.
[DESPAIR COULD JUST FIX YOUR BRAIN THIS WHOLE TIME HARROW
i mean thats fine i guess molly has also just never asked if he could get someone to exorcise nonagon out of his body either so its fine]
Yes, I think so. [he doesn't follow up with how if she couldn't remember, he was prepared to just. make the wish for her.
...leaning forward, putting his hand on his chin, drumming his nails on the table.] And continuing my arrogant declarations, I don't think you should go back either. I don't know how it will work, or ... I've been approaching all this with an ask forgiveness, not permission strategy. Fuck it if they tell us anything is "ill-advised." Coming here at all was ill-advised, so might as well ask for the whole dozen. But you should get your wish and then take it far from that place.
[This whole time! Despair could just fix her dang brain! But we can talk about this later, because the new line of commentary hits on something she's been dwelling on lately.
She listens to him, expression a little blank, hard to read.]
My understanding is it is not possible, so it's a moot point. And even if it was possible, I couldn't. So there's very little to discuss on that topic.
Your understanding ... ? Think I'd take more of the same "forgiveness not permission" tactic if I were you. Just say you're going to-- Exandria and let them figure it the fuck out.
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[He taps the toes of his boots together.]
And my particular outlook was extremely irritating to her. We squabbled. Stupid shit, really.
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[His nails tap against the table a bit.]
But as I'm sure you know, I'm rather arrogant about my particular philosophies, and she was looking for a fight with the whole world. But we watched each other's backs. One trash person for another. That was the deal.
... When I got to talk to her here, she had grown a lot.
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[She leans, resting her chin in her hand.]
She thought highly of you. At least, the version of her who was here did.
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We all look a bit better in hindsight, no?
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But I don't have any hindsight of you. I only have what I know now. And you are worth thinking highly of.
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[turning his hand over to squeeze hers.]
Being a bit of a downer. Whole point is to bring her back and then she can get right back to being irritated at me for my endless bullshit.
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[Seriously. He can be a bit of a downer. Maybe she's saying kind things more easily because it's kindness week. That doesn't mean she doesn't want to be saying them. Sometimes it's nice, to have the things you want to say anyway come more easily to you.]
It isn't always better to avoid speaking of it. I'd always thought so, but. . . it isn't.
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[at least taking his feet off the table.]
Never told so many truths in my life before.
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[Harrow. It's kindness week, please.]
I'm fairly certain that of the two of us, I'm the more practiced liar.
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[and he laughs because. sure.]
Practiced, likely, but mine are much more fun.
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[. . . Hmm.]
When we've finished here, when you return home, what will you do? Is that a problematic question?
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Funny, I-- Hadn't really thought about it. Picked up where I left off is the plan. [He scratches a bit at his face.] Think ... the Nein might outclass me a bit now, but I can ... catch up, maybe. I was promised a month off in Nicodranas. And to get to meet Jester's very attractive mother. They call her The Ruby of the Sea you know. Very famous courtesan. Has a whole song and everything. So those two things I suppose to start with.
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[But it is literally all just fucking around.]
Some would say you ought to make the most of a second chance?
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I was already making the most of a second chance! It's exactly what I was already doing! I just want to get back to it. My life made me happy, I did things that brought me joy. I'd like to go back to being happy again. Don't have to have any grand plans to manage that.
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[Her feelings about it are more like. Imagine being happy and having no notes, just vibes? Wild.
Like. She just kind of gets stuck on that phrasing. "I'd like to go back to being happy again." Haha. Wow.]
I think if I met you some other place and moment, I would also hate hearing you talk like this. I'd think existing only to make yourself happy was unbearably selfish. But you aren't selfish, and you are probably one of the only people hear would could say there isn't much they would change.
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And you? Your grand plans?
[He's a little wary about this question, because. well. there's a lot going on with harrow. but. there's followups he has so it's fine.]
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[Among other reasons it's problematic. Because she's just been realizing that little flaw. "I'd like to go back to being happy again." For most people, for most of her friends, being here is unbearably painful.
And here she is, dreading that it may soon come to an end.]
Putting that aside, I'll be returning to the Mithraeum. Studying under the tutelage of God until I can become a true Lyctor.
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I know what your wish is. I think.
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Oh. Do you?
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[And then, quickly:]
It's a good one, I promise. And-- the Avatars seem to know. The problem is I don't think I can explain it. At least not right now. Sort of a man and a manticore situation.
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Yes, I know. Despair has also offered to fix the problem and let me remember if I choose to. I've been considering the strategic merits of it, but I've fairly certain the health consequences of my current condition aren't worth a return to the prior state.
. . . It's a good wish? Even you think so?
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i mean thats fine i guess molly has also just never asked if he could get someone to exorcise nonagon out of his body either so its fine]
Yes, I think so. [he doesn't follow up with how if she couldn't remember, he was prepared to just. make the wish for her.
...leaning forward, putting his hand on his chin, drumming his nails on the table.] And continuing my arrogant declarations, I don't think you should go back either. I don't know how it will work, or ... I've been approaching all this with an ask forgiveness, not permission strategy. Fuck it if they tell us anything is "ill-advised." Coming here at all was ill-advised, so might as well ask for the whole dozen. But you should get your wish and then take it far from that place.
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She listens to him, expression a little blank, hard to read.]
My understanding is it is not possible, so it's a moot point. And even if it was possible, I couldn't. So there's very little to discuss on that topic.
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Your understanding ... ? Think I'd take more of the same "forgiveness not permission" tactic if I were you. Just say you're going to-- Exandria and let them figure it the fuck out.
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