It is an enormous honour, you understand. There have only been nine who have been chosen in the ten thousand years since the Resurrection, and I am the ninth.
I have lived all my life trying to find a way to. . . to justify my birth. Bringing this honour to the Ninth House - its own daughter, one of the Emperor Undying's fists and gestures - it is beyond what my mother and father and my ancestors could have imagined. It is beyond anything I had ever hoped to accomplish. And it allowed me the power to save Drearburh. When I last left, we were dying; we were on the verge of extinction. I was able to send a new population, new resources, and now it will survive.
So you've done that now. Justified yourself. Taken care of the Ninth House.
[She keeps saying how big of an honor it is. Specifically, in response to being asked if it's what she wants. Multiple times. Which is exactly the thing you say when it's someone else's idea of what you want.]
But still, you can not want things even if they are great honors or whatnot.
[That's what she automatically says when he says she's justified herself. But she doesn't elaborate, lets him continue. She didn't think that would slip his attention, that she didn't answer the question about what she wanted.]
Perhaps you're right, but it is too late. I am a Lyctor, and it cannot be undone.
[Maybe there's a reason she cut out her memories of the thing she actually wanted - that way, she can't decide to sabotage it.]
That isn't what I mean. I suppose I could wish it undone, and Ortus' soul saved, if there is anything left of him to save. But that isn't my wish. So I must operate under the understanding that my actual wish is something I wanted more than that.
I'm not going to start insisting on getting more when I barely believe we're getting out of here in the first place.
[He doesn't sound so much like he agrees but he mirrors her gesture of chewing her nails for just a moment, sticking a claw in his mouth while he thinks it over. And then seems to set in something, giving half a shrug, tail swinging.]
I did tell you it was a good wish. So I'll just hold it for you until you're ready. We'll swap.
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no subject
It is an enormous honour, you understand. There have only been nine who have been chosen in the ten thousand years since the Resurrection, and I am the ninth.
I have lived all my life trying to find a way to. . . to justify my birth. Bringing this honour to the Ninth House - its own daughter, one of the Emperor Undying's fists and gestures - it is beyond what my mother and father and my ancestors could have imagined. It is beyond anything I had ever hoped to accomplish. And it allowed me the power to save Drearburh. When I last left, we were dying; we were on the verge of extinction. I was able to send a new population, new resources, and now it will survive.
no subject
So you've done that now. Justified yourself. Taken care of the Ninth House.
[She keeps saying how big of an honor it is. Specifically, in response to being asked if it's what she wants. Multiple times. Which is exactly the thing you say when it's someone else's idea of what you want.]
But still, you can not want things even if they are great honors or whatnot.
no subject
[That's what she automatically says when he says she's justified herself. But she doesn't elaborate, lets him continue. She didn't think that would slip his attention, that she didn't answer the question about what she wanted.]
Perhaps you're right, but it is too late. I am a Lyctor, and it cannot be undone.
no subject
no subject
That isn't what I mean. I suppose I could wish it undone, and Ortus' soul saved, if there is anything left of him to save. But that isn't my wish. So I must operate under the understanding that my actual wish is something I wanted more than that.
I'm not going to start insisting on getting more when I barely believe we're getting out of here in the first place.
no subject
[He doesn't sound so much like he agrees but he mirrors her gesture of chewing her nails for just a moment, sticking a claw in his mouth while he thinks it over. And then seems to set in something, giving half a shrug, tail swinging.]
I did tell you it was a good wish. So I'll just hold it for you until you're ready. We'll swap.
no subject
What does that mean?
no subject
[lmao]
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Tell me.
no subject
[scowl all you want???]
no subject
[Huffing, but she's beaten. He survived the scowl and that's literally all he can do.]
So maybe it will change everything, and maybe it won't. I can't depend on that. I can't make plans around that.