[ Primrose opts not to glance at him-- the emotional risk is far too great and she already finds herself stretched thin merely from exchanging those emotions. The last thing she needs to do is let Molly know of the concern and the care clogging her throat, when she likes to think she's done a decent job of masking it thus far.
Instead, she nods, thoughts kept to herself, to let him know she's most certainly listening. ]
[That's alright. He's mostly calm now when he tells this.]
So I've spent my time making a new person. A person I like. Someone who's happy, who does good things, and leaves places better than he found them. And I think I did for a while. I'm proud of that. And I get it - wanting to make your own path, your own choices. That's important to me as well.
I really don't remember anything about who used to be in this body, just ... flashes. Sometimes. And what I've been told, as much as I didn't want to know. His name is Lucien. [There's a sort of. clench. like this sort of acknowledgement is new. maybe some fear.] Or whatever it is he calls himself. Nonagon. [He ... spits.] But I know he was fucking bastard. I know it's just-- blood and muck and bile. And I don't want anything to do with whatever cursed path he chose. And it ended with him in that grave.
But when I died again - funnily enough, on the road to bloody Shadycreek Run - it seems that he came to reclaim what was his. So we've got that in common. Stubborn as all the hells and harder still to kill. So this is a bit of a power struggle as it were. I want my body and my life back. But I've got to take it from him.
[ He gets it-- she doesn't doubt that. He really, truly understands what it's like to walk a path and to choose to walk it and to stay on it with only your convictions keeping you moving forward.
His determination is so much kinder, though. Not seeking vengeance, but joy. To make things better for everything and everyone, to find happiness. All things she very much believes that Molly deserves, and she grimaces slightly at the thought of the body's original owner. A bastard, hm? ]
That's quite a struggle you've found yourself involved in. I can't imagine he would make it easy for you.
... But all the same, I refuse to accept the alternative. Your path is just as worthy of protecting, you know. [ He protects her wish, she'll protect his. ]
If the little Beau said was anything to go by, he's certainly giving the Nein a time of it.
[The problem might partially lie in how Mollymauk and Lucien are, at least on the surface, similar people. As much as Molly might insist otherwise.
also to be fair, if you died and lost all your memories and woke up and got turned into a clown at the circus while everyone just watched it happen, you might also rightfully be a little pissed off when you found out]
After you get your revenge, I think you should think about it, though. Finding a bit of joy. Building something. You deserve it.
[He doesn't mean it unkindly. There's-- stubbornness, mostly, setting in.]
That's my point, is what I'm trying to say. Doesn't matter what you've done before, or what blood is on your hands. The past can just be that. The past. And maybe it sounds like a load of crock coming from someone who had an easy choice of it, but I think it's true for everyone. You just have to make the decision to do something different. I know you've got a path you want to see through to the end, and I'm sure you will. Doesn't have to be today. Doesn't have to be tomorrow.
Just when you're ready for it. Find some joy in something. [He will actually look over at her, now.] I'll even get you started - you taught me a few dance steps. Seems like a little thing, but I'll think about that for the rest of my life. That's leaving it better than you found it.
[ It really does seem like such a little thing, thinking about that-- it was indeed something simple, a series of dance steps that he had picked up in no time at all, a dance she could likely perform with nary a thought in her head.
But he looks at her and says it meant something, that it will linger with him... that something she did had a positive and lasting impact, and Primrose gazes back at him, genuinely startled by the admission.
And it isn't merely surprise, try as she might to suppress it. There's gratitude, uncertainty, a fondness she can't rein in, a loneliness that shoves against all of the stubbornness she's maintained... and finally, Primrose draws in a soft breath. ]
You are... rather an amazing individual, Mollymauk.
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Instead, she nods, thoughts kept to herself, to let him know she's most certainly listening. ]
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So I've spent my time making a new person. A person I like. Someone who's happy, who does good things, and leaves places better than he found them. And I think I did for a while. I'm proud of that. And I get it - wanting to make your own path, your own choices. That's important to me as well.
I really don't remember anything about who used to be in this body, just ... flashes. Sometimes. And what I've been told, as much as I didn't want to know. His name is Lucien. [There's a sort of. clench. like this sort of acknowledgement is new. maybe some fear.] Or whatever it is he calls himself. Nonagon. [He ... spits.] But I know he was fucking bastard. I know it's just-- blood and muck and bile. And I don't want anything to do with whatever cursed path he chose. And it ended with him in that grave.
But when I died again - funnily enough, on the road to bloody Shadycreek Run - it seems that he came to reclaim what was his. So we've got that in common. Stubborn as all the hells and harder still to kill. So this is a bit of a power struggle as it were. I want my body and my life back. But I've got to take it from him.
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His determination is so much kinder, though. Not seeking vengeance, but joy. To make things better for everything and everyone, to find happiness. All things she very much believes that Molly deserves, and she grimaces slightly at the thought of the body's original owner. A bastard, hm? ]
That's quite a struggle you've found yourself involved in. I can't imagine he would make it easy for you.
... But all the same, I refuse to accept the alternative. Your path is just as worthy of protecting, you know. [ He protects her wish, she'll protect his. ]
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[The problem might partially lie in how Mollymauk and Lucien are, at least on the surface, similar people. As much as Molly might insist otherwise.
also to be fair, if you died and lost all your memories and woke up and got turned into a clown at the circus while everyone just watched it happen, you might also rightfully be a little pissed off when you found out]
After you get your revenge, I think you should think about it, though. Finding a bit of joy. Building something. You deserve it.
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She falls silent for a moment, then chuckles. It's low, humorless. ]
I have killed those who wronged me, Molly. Their blood is on my hands and I have used others and done terrible things to get as far as I have.
I don't deserve happiness. And even if I were to believe differently, I don't know if I could even begin to know where to find it.
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[He doesn't mean it unkindly. There's-- stubbornness, mostly, setting in.]
That's my point, is what I'm trying to say. Doesn't matter what you've done before, or what blood is on your hands. The past can just be that. The past. And maybe it sounds like a load of crock coming from someone who had an easy choice of it, but I think it's true for everyone. You just have to make the decision to do something different. I know you've got a path you want to see through to the end, and I'm sure you will. Doesn't have to be today. Doesn't have to be tomorrow.
Just when you're ready for it. Find some joy in something. [He will actually look over at her, now.] I'll even get you started - you taught me a few dance steps. Seems like a little thing, but I'll think about that for the rest of my life. That's leaving it better than you found it.
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But he looks at her and says it meant something, that it will linger with him... that something she did had a positive and lasting impact, and Primrose gazes back at him, genuinely startled by the admission.
And it isn't merely surprise, try as she might to suppress it. There's gratitude, uncertainty, a fondness she can't rein in, a loneliness that shoves against all of the stubbornness she's maintained... and finally, Primrose draws in a soft breath. ]
You are... rather an amazing individual, Mollymauk.