headmt | PC: ENDORSI

[Well it takes him a second a come back to reality after

that

fear and blood and burning, burning hunger - there's something about being ripped out of your own head for these moments that's so vertigo-inducing, nauseating almost, the violation of a memory that isn't yours

he lets her back away from him if she likes, he isn't chasing or anything, but after a second (breathing, remembering how to fucking breath, shit) he holds up his hands as in a surrender.]

Look, shit-- Fuck!

[Okay maybe he needs another second.]

Remember what I said? I don’t care where you’ve been. You're here now.

I care about where I've been!

[It's a little bit louder, a little bit angrier, than it needs to be. She wrestles herself out of the memory of battles that have been over for hundreds of years, and prepares herself for a hatred that she's faced before. When it sinks in that he's not giving her the same, there's a release of some of that tension, but she still looks like she's expecting something else, something worse to come from him.

Her voice quiets a little when she continues, but:]

Do you remember what I told you? In the end, all you have is - the person you are.

[People come. People go, even when she tries her hardest to hold on to them. The things she's done, and the person that grew out of doing those things, has stayed.]

[He doesn't flinch at the anger. If she's expecting judgment, he's digging his heels in. he stubbornly is refusing to give it, one way or the other. the same tight look and crossed arms he'd had in that memory.]

I don't know that person. I know this person. In front of me. Is that you right now, in this moment? [funny, the reflection on one of their first conversations. What do you think of me, right now? `Weird.`] It's-- It's as I said, there isn't some deep dark truth I could learn that'd change what I think of you.

I'm the same person! You can't just...

[She stops for a second, making a frustrated noise as she shoves a hand through her hair, trying to articulate exactly why she has a problem with that idea. It's not the fact that he isn't angry at her. That's - well, she won't admit it, but that's a relief. But...]

Do you think that if I felt threatened, I wouldn't do that again? That I'm an entirely different girl than I was back then? I'm not. [she told him she didn't want to lie to him about who she is.] The world hasn't changed, so neither have I.

I don't know what you'd do.

[He shrugs at that.]

Someone taught you to do that, but is that the thing you actually want to do? Seems like you make a new choice every day, yeah? I won't argue not having a past doesn't make it easier. It is a little easier. Some bastard put a bunch of bloody eyeballs on this body, did loads of creepy shit to it, taught it all sorts of nasty things, and I chose something different.

Worlds can change. Sometimes you die and show up on a-- wherever this is.

[From her expression, she’s about to say something else, something just as heated and angry - but upon hearing that last part, she falters.]

But I thought you... The profiles said...?

[Undying.]

You're going to have to remind me of what it said.

[haha!]

It doesn't matter.

[It does, but the more important question is—]

You didn't come back?

Ah.

[It matters a little, but,]

Listen, I crawled out of one grave. Whatever went into that grave wasn't me. I happened to have met another one before I came here.

[He sniffs, trying to decide if he's going to continue or not, but--]

According to Beau, no. I have not come back again.

...Oh.

[She hesitates for a long moment, not sure what to say about that or muster up the frustration she'd been feeling a moment ago after hearing that news. But...]

Was that your wish, then? To come back?

[He makes a face like he wants to make one more addition. he isn't very good at hiding it. but then just continues on.]

Mm. Seemed the obvious choice. Though now, of course, her fate also resides with me.

...I hope you do make it home. Both of you. I think you both deserve to. [She means that.] I guess I don't know much about the world you come from, but it seems like a nice place from what I saw in that simulation. I hope you'll get to travel more and see more of your world when you both leave together.

[After a moment:]

Sometimes it's nice to pretend I come from somewhere like that. [...] You know, right before I came here, for the first time, I helped someone even though it made things pretty inconvenient for me! But for me, making that kind of choice is an exception. Even that decision almost got me killed.

Edited 2021-02-26 04:38 (UTC)

Good bits and bad bits, like anywhere else I expect.

[Oh, sorry, he is making a face that will get him punched very shortly by Endorsi. it is very like, I knew it.]

I'd say in my experience, the choice to help someone is more often than not the one that ends up with you on your ass and the cleric standing over you. Think the almost is the key there.

[ . . . ]

What made you make that decision? To help someone.

Clerics...? Oh, right. Well, wave controllers can't do that kind of thing, so I'm lucky it was just almost.

[She is giving him the most unamused face in the world as she notices his expression, but she does give that question some honest thought before she says anything.]

Well, the girl I was ordered to kill... The easiest way to explain it is probably that things have always been hard for her because of who she is, and how she was born. So maybe I thought she deserved a break for once! Who knows. [flippant. but then, muttered:] Besides, the guy who gave me that order really annoyed me... I don't like being pushed into things.

Oh ours barely heals either.

[don't be mean to jester she isn't here

also the expression . . . . . . it's getting worse . . . . . . . ]

If you ask me, 'purely to spite bastards' is a perfectly grand reason to do a good turn now and then.

[she will maybe answer that in a second but she's just pausing to give him this face instead]

[sticking his tongue out at her. but then does that thing where you wave a hand across your face and the expression after is totally blank.]

You are the most annoying person I know.

With Vlad here? In the same building? I'm hurt.

Well, he doesn't usually talk to me!

. . . You really are quite a bit like Beauregard, you know.

[she hated his ass too.]

That’s optimistic of you. She seemed pretty kind to me.

Not when I met her. Huge asshole! Didn't give a shit about a single other person in the world.

[well that's just rude, molly,]

But then she changed or something, right?

[She sighs.]

You're getting the wrong idea, but I can't stop you from thinking I'm a good person, I guess.

Mm. Not so much? She's still the same Beauregard. Just one day decided to try to help a girl [girl? bird? he pauses. hm. girlbird . . . ] who probably needed a break for once.

[And then he snorts.]

No. You certainly cannot.

(no subject)

fisherwoman - 2021-02-26 20:32 (UTC) - Expand