[It is something to think about, isn't it? She seems curious and thoughtful, and she even laughs a little, humorlessly.]
Hah. All along, I'd thought we failed. And I felt as you did - fuck it. If that was failure, I accept failure. But now I wonder if I misunderstood.
[But her gaze turns dark again, looking up at him with absolute seriousness.]
I am going to tell you something, because I have permission to do so from each of the four involved. It is not something we have spoken of other than with one another and the Avatars, and your dispensation is only to hear it, not to speak of it.
Furthermore, you will not pet me like a frightened little emotional support cat when I tell it. You will accept it as information relevant to your circumstances that I am choosing to convey to you.
[technically, he is the emotional support cat in this proposed scenario, but. he just removes his arm, clasping his cold hands together in his lap instead.]
[She's ignoring that joke. She'll just cross her arms across her chest.]
. . . Ours was gluttony. The whole of our adventure was themed for it - we were surrounded by ravenous giants, some in the form of people we knew, but revolting engorged versions of them, stuffing their faces with meat and fighting for scraps in between trying to consume us.
And at the end, as it was for you - a nigh impossible to ignore urge in the form of the base instinct at the heart of gluttony. We were hungry, Mollymauk. We were starving to death. We would have done anything to satiate that hunger, and what we were offered to satiate it was the flesh of the child.
But there was no noble choice, no moment of decision. We never decided to die rather than to do it. We scrambled and grasped pathetically at anything else, made desperate and futile decisions, ate from our own accumulated pieces of gore to avoid it until all of our energy was depleted and we simply died of hunger.
[She does stare him down directly in the eyes while she explains this, as though daring him to break his promise and try to be nice about it.]
When I say ours was easier, it is because we all felt there was no choice at all - it would have been impossible for any of us to do that to her, even in such a debased state as we were in. But as a result, we also left her behind in that hell. She wept for us as we died, begged us not to leave her. So I know that what we did was not "right," either. Nor do I think the others in your group were right to kill to protect what was theirs, nor do I think you were right, you contemptible ass, to abandon the vows you have made to survive.
[Her eyes glint with malice for a moment there, but then it's gone.]
What I mean to say is that, in both of our cases, if there was a right answer at all, I think it was in the form of a solution that neither of us saw.
[He was told not to pet at her like a child, so he doesn't. He simply listens, and accepts. This is one thing he actually good at. Listening, and accepting. The only reaction he has is his gaze flicks (or. as far as it's possible to tell. a shift of the light.) to the side when she calls him out on his attempts to slip back into the grave.]
I can only agree.
[There was no right answer. No perfect solution.]
... I did think about how-- When I saw that grave, I felt what they had felt. [The nein. putting him in that hole.] It'd be nice, almost. To be remembered like that. And breathing was so fucking hard and I thought, maybe, just for a moment I could go back. But I did promise I'd fight. And I won't leave anyone behind. That's the deal. So I kept breathing.
Being remembered is-- It's stupid. I came here because I want more than that.
[Yeah, well, not being remembered is pretty fucking stupid, too.
Anyway, she softens at that, nodding in recognition of his words.]
I want more for you, too. How pathetic, how offensive, if you didn't get to have it because you were being stubborn about some convincing illusion.
But if it's as you say, maybe you did win after all. You told them fuck it, and they taunted you for it and made you cold and stiff for it, but all of that is set dressing on the fact that a bluff was made and a bluff was called. I only wonder if the bluff was part of the design of the test, or whether it was a mercy on the test giver's part that won't be granted on the final. Best find out, don't you agree?
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no subject
Hah. All along, I'd thought we failed. And I felt as you did - fuck it. If that was failure, I accept failure. But now I wonder if I misunderstood.
[But her gaze turns dark again, looking up at him with absolute seriousness.]
I am going to tell you something, because I have permission to do so from each of the four involved. It is not something we have spoken of other than with one another and the Avatars, and your dispensation is only to hear it, not to speak of it.
Furthermore, you will not pet me like a frightened little emotional support cat when I tell it. You will accept it as information relevant to your circumstances that I am choosing to convey to you.
Understood?
no subject
Not even Frumpkin shall hear of it.
no subject
[She's ignoring that joke. She'll just cross her arms across her chest.]
. . . Ours was gluttony. The whole of our adventure was themed for it - we were surrounded by ravenous giants, some in the form of people we knew, but revolting engorged versions of them, stuffing their faces with meat and fighting for scraps in between trying to consume us.
And at the end, as it was for you - a nigh impossible to ignore urge in the form of the base instinct at the heart of gluttony. We were hungry, Mollymauk. We were starving to death. We would have done anything to satiate that hunger, and what we were offered to satiate it was the flesh of the child.
But there was no noble choice, no moment of decision. We never decided to die rather than to do it. We scrambled and grasped pathetically at anything else, made desperate and futile decisions, ate from our own accumulated pieces of gore to avoid it until all of our energy was depleted and we simply died of hunger.
[She does stare him down directly in the eyes while she explains this, as though daring him to break his promise and try to be nice about it.]
When I say ours was easier, it is because we all felt there was no choice at all - it would have been impossible for any of us to do that to her, even in such a debased state as we were in. But as a result, we also left her behind in that hell. She wept for us as we died, begged us not to leave her. So I know that what we did was not "right," either. Nor do I think the others in your group were right to kill to protect what was theirs, nor do I think you were right, you contemptible ass, to abandon the vows you have made to survive.
[Her eyes glint with malice for a moment there, but then it's gone.]
What I mean to say is that, in both of our cases, if there was a right answer at all, I think it was in the form of a solution that neither of us saw.
no subject
I can only agree.
[There was no right answer. No perfect solution.]
... I did think about how-- When I saw that grave, I felt what they had felt. [The nein. putting him in that hole.] It'd be nice, almost. To be remembered like that. And breathing was so fucking hard and I thought, maybe, just for a moment I could go back. But I did promise I'd fight. And I won't leave anyone behind. That's the deal. So I kept breathing.
Being remembered is-- It's stupid. I came here because I want more than that.
no subject
Anyway, she softens at that, nodding in recognition of his words.]
I want more for you, too. How pathetic, how offensive, if you didn't get to have it because you were being stubborn about some convincing illusion.
But if it's as you say, maybe you did win after all. You told them fuck it, and they taunted you for it and made you cold and stiff for it, but all of that is set dressing on the fact that a bluff was made and a bluff was called. I only wonder if the bluff was part of the design of the test, or whether it was a mercy on the test giver's part that won't be granted on the final. Best find out, don't you agree?
no subject
Again, I can only agree!
[he sniffs a bit, at the broken nose.]
Are you still prepared for our grand plan?
no subject
I am. Are you?
no subject
I am up and about. No problem.
no subject